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Public polls such a laugh

Someone once related to me the definition of "polling." It means the removal of a bull or steer's horns. If we stick with the economists' term of endearment for the general public, the great beast, the meaning of polling booths comes full circle. Polling is to take the sharp pointy bits from the common man's arsenal. His power to vote. 2394

Fibersure Feetballs?

Someone is advertising a fiber supplement on the radio, you add it to your dinners to have, not turkey, but FURKEY. No kidding! Not hamburgers, but famburgers, an imfrovement presumably. 2244

Nike tags more advertizing surface

Oh my goodness look at the Swooshes TM! Nike strikes again with its branding of the Minnesota Vikings. How many not so subliminal Nike trademarks do you see in this picture? The Viking uniforms sport the same torso swoosh as the Broncos but there's more! Above the shoulders, behind the arms, and the refashioned horns. 2164

Comfort food for the sugar-fat addict

Comfort food is what? The food addict's fix? The salve of eating disorders that is also the poison? Is McDonalds concerned that out of sight in the bag, a fat-eater might forget what designs he had on his impulse/compulsive purchase?   McDonalds would seem to have quite a grasp of its customers. McFatties may have heard about "comfort food" but may not remember whether it denoted something bad or good. The McDonalds marketing department is employing a linguistic maneuver: own up to the accusation, then pervert what it means.   This bag promotes McDonalds' World Children's Day, urging us to give comfort. A search of their linked website about helping children yields not a single mention of "comfort." 2140

Commerce takes Visa or anti-Visa

I love this commercial. Life Takes Visa. Life --or here its commerce equivalent-- is a well choreographed bakery, a happy flow of patrons interrupted only by a hapless customer who bottlenecks the process by presuming to pay with cash. The scenario presages acceptance of the viewer/consumer's role as willing cog, but it offers an important economics truism to those who would aspire to monkey-wrench such a dehumanized construct. What does it take to disrupt a well oiled machine? A trifle. 2124

Verizon hardhats are actually NSA posse

Verizon thinks it's a selling point that you've got hundreds of hardhats listening in on your conversation. Though the team is pitched as the tech support which is keeping you networked, I guess the commercials can't avoid the humorous Verizon dude smirking at what he's overhearing. Interesting truth in advertising. Are we supposed to think what happens with Can You Hear Me Now Dude stays with Can You Hear Me Now Dude?   Congress is deliberating about indemnifying these guys if litigious Americans ever find out Verizon & freinds are forwarding eavesdropped calls unto the security agencies. 2047

Plastic Bags are just garbage

Speaking of plastic whores, Alternet carried a great article The Great Plastic Bag Plague about the proliferation of plastic bags and possible solutions to it. They also linked to 1832

Nike swoosh the new uniform

My lover won't talk to me if I refer to the garments of professional athletes as "outfits." She doesn't appreciate "costumes" either. Both terms fit to me, considering the theatricality of the performances and outcomes, involving rivalries that could not matter less.   The new Bronco look is distinguished by a curvy flank stripe, designed by the uniform's manufacturer... NIKE! Bronco fans still argue it's not product placement of the trademark Nike Swoosh. That's a Bronco fan for you. 1787

Goyim in TV land

Why are we promoting dorks like Texas Ranger and Conan O'Brian as centers of attention on television? Is this Hollywood's idea of the accessible every-man? Somebody's got to be laughing their head off behind the scene.   Clearly the standard for leading men is otherwise high. Consider that the Oceans 11 frat pack have no peers to cast in competing blockbusters. There have always been Ralph Kramdens and Ed Nortons, re King of Queens et al, or flat out queens and eunuchs, but where does medialand come off casting Chuck Norris as any kind of Tommy Lee Jones ranger? Norris looks as absurd as the stereotype he pioneered, the white man in Eastern man's pajamas, where they don't tuck 45-Magnums under their judo belts. 1552

Brand name taste is an abstraction

A friend of mine is a restauranteur who by his own admission doesn't know much about wine. Never the less his wine rep was bringing over a bottle of Chateau d'Yquem for some occasion. I asked my friend if he'd read up on Sauterne vintages, the better to appreciate it. He looked at me quizzically. I persisted, thinking something along the lines of Tom Wolfe's Painted Word, that you had to know about the theory of abstract art to appreciate what you saw. I didn't get far because my friend was attuned to the un-abstract measure of his customer's palate. Did they taste a distinctive quality? That was enough. You don't need a text to appreciate pre-abstract art. Epicure likewise is not abstract. 1524

Joe Chemo

And how about the other spoof: says one Marlboro man to another, "I miss my lung Bob."

New Age posturing with the ‘pickaninnies’

Those who grew up in the Old South, remember when racist politicians used to pose with 'Negro' children to supposedly show their concern for Black people. That was a crude technique to deflect criticism for being a racist. 1241

The Super Bowl Candy Bar Program

No popped out breast this year at the Super Bowl for fans. Instead, home viewers were entertained by 2 men kissing each other(BrokeBack Super Bowl) in a candy bar commercial. 1026

The underwhelming Barack Obama

The media is already pushing the delusion to liberal Democratic Party voters, that Barack Obama is their Great Black Hope in 2008. And today he announced he was a candidate for President. They are trying to pass him off as the antiwar candidate, same as Howard Dean was similarly imaged in that manner in 2004. 927

Apple and the PC image

I saw the actor who plays "PC" in the Mac versus PC commercials in a bit part on a television show. Odd, I thought, that he would be permitted a role outside of his corporate representative commitment. Usually mascots like the Maytag repairman, the Dunkin' Donuts and Frito-Lay guys, even Juan Valdes and Mr. Goodwrench, sign exclusive contracts to prevent them from diluting their brand identity with competing entertainment images. What distinguishes Apple's PC guy is that he is a defamation of himself. The Mac strategy seems positively libelous. 912

Not getting wired

Ideas for iPod ads, GET WIRED campaign. (Position of dark silhouette, with white iAppliance.)   Prone, with opium hukkah. Seated, with TV wired in a straight line to eyes. Corpse on mortician's table, with embalming fluid. Fetus in womb, with Coca Cola placenta. Baby in crib, with Disney IV hanging from mobile. Standing in disheveled suit, with concrete poured around feet. Kid standing, with Playstation controller wired to large mounted gun. Walking in crowd, all with cellphones linked to happy face satellite. Sitting on bar stool, pants zipper wired to pole dancing stripper. Pulling oxygen tank, with tube to Oxy cylinder shaped like cigarette. Kid standing, with Playstation controller wired to nipples and crotch. On knees, bent over, with [head in] toilet. Peeing, with urine stream flowing into bottle of alcohol. Kid sitting on floor, with tooth tied to doorknob. Chalk outline on crosswalk, with iPod. Line of dancers in identical position, all with iPods. Queue of forlorn commuters heading into subway car, all with iPods.

The new prurience in men’s magazines

  FHM, STUFF, MAXIM, RAZOR, et al. Porn is back at the 7-11. It's the resurgence of clean porn to counter the free-for-all no-holes-barred internet, just like Hugh Hefner's Playboy Magazine put glossy clean brakes on the sexual revolution. 510

E-trade investor impotence

A clever act, E-trade's new TV ad, to depict their customers under magnification as countless sperm, seen in closeup as computer mice struggling here and there to find their way. Where do sperm head? As far as eggheads are concerned probably toward the ceiling and kleenex, but I think E-trade means to suggest that sperm are looking for fulfillment, sound financial investment, wealth, the egg. 660

NFL Chunky

On TV and radio ads, they're calling it Campbell's NFL Chunky Soup, for the NFL Appetite.   Really now. NFL players are well tuned physical performers. Do you think professional athletes can afford to pump that much sodium, MSG, empty carbohydrates, and bad fat into their bodies? NFL players earn multimillion dollar salaries. Think they're eating canned soup? 585

Enlist – accelerate your lifespan

Can you believe this new recruitment slogan: Join the Navy: accelerate your life TM? It looks good on video with a rapid progression of tracking shots of incredibly busy warfare technicians. Sign up and before you know it you'll be dropped into the thick of the action. Maybe your grave as well. Accelerate your lifespan TM.

Handcrafted aggrandizement

I've always been irked by the Starbucks invented term "Barista." It's the equivalent of Walmart calling their workers "associates." It means nothing except to delude the workers that they are something more than slave-wage, unskilled workers. 175

A Christmas message

CAMP CASEY COLORADO SPRINGS Waiting in line at the Post Office the other day I overheard a local advertisement on the radio encouraging the usual holiday splurge "because you've been good this year!"   I thought to myself, who among Americans can say they've been good this year? 94