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NE Patriots are serial cheaters, so are their namesakes. The unfair advantage is an essential of Capitalism.

First the New England Patriots got caught spying on their adversaries, now they've been tweaking the air-pressure of their game balls to sneak a ballistic handling advantage. Rules be damned, Patriot quarterback Tom Brady prefers his ordnance two pounds psi shy, hollow-points --if you will-- which are also against regulation. For how long have the Patriots been manipulating advantages? And how else? They weren't satisfied with the home field advantage on Sunday. Maybe officials should bring protractors to investigate the Boston gridiron. A level playing field doesn't likely suit the Patriots either. OF COURSE it doesn't. Who expects sportsmanship from "patriots?!" Patriotism is the antisocial insistance on your own cultural superiority. American exceptionalism is an endorsement of tactical superiority, covert war, disproportionate force, drones, extrajudicial assassination, death squads, snipers, collateral damage, and torture. Formal US policy is to FLAUNT international law. American materialism profits from insider trading, extortion, usury, and corporate hegemony uber alles! Why would our surrogate Sunday warriors pretend there is honor among thieves? Of course America underinflates footballs to best our opponents. We also diligently deploy inspectors to ensure our intended defeatees can't recallibrate theirs. Meanwhile our leaders dissemble when plausible deniability stretches thin. Of course NFL officials are not discussing a Super Bowl disqualification for the recidivist Patriots. Instead they're weighing minor penalties, no doubt manageable, if not tax deductible. If America's best cheaters don't advance to the Super Bowl, the outcome would be hypocritical. Go Team! America Fuck Yeah! I'm kidding of course. Sack the quarterback, disqualify the Patriots, send whoever else to the Super Bowl, then march the entire US defense and offense departments to the Hague. UPDATE 1/23: While fans and media try to belittle the scandal (ie. "Deflate-gate" and "Ballghazi"), statisticians have noted a damning anomaly relating to the advantage gained from underinflated footballs. After the rules were changed to allow offensive teams to use their own footballs --Brady was among the quarterbacks lobbying for the change-- New England's ball handling superiority grew beyond the realm of probability. Probably all teams know that well-inflated footballs fly further but underinflated balls are easier to grab. Maybe the purpose of making a personalized array of game balls available is so offensive teams can exploit alternate characteristics as needed. Maybe the NFL understood this when they granted the rule change. Maybe the Patriots just couldn't pass up every opportunity to cheat, until the statistics made plain their greed. Whether by hubris or head-injury numbskulledness, Tom Brady and his receivers thought they coud break PT Barnum's rule too. The American Dream hinges on equality of opportunity and fair play, but of course Capitalism idealizes the unfair advantage. Btw I abhor the theatre of corporate sports, but when it exposes the reek of America's national character, I like to make sure to smell it.

Super Bowl 2013 commemorates American warrior culture minus wounded vets

TV NATION- Can Americans no longer embarrass themselves? This year's pregame holiday extended to Super Bowl Eve with an un-ironic commemoration ceremony, an all-star gala tribute to football, acclaiming it a venerated touchstone of the American character, the public mob like drunken monks feasting the humanitarian contributions of the Spanish Inquisition. Football celebrates America's cultural blood lust, a surrogate for our preemptive senseless war making, whose shared cartoon violence is expunged of its real antisocial inhumanity. Probably owing to this season's pre pregame homophobia scandal, where collegiate casualty Manti Teo showed signs of early onset Mohammed Ali's disease, fans learned about the concealed football side effect of compounded concussions, akin to IED survivors' collateral brain damage. Next we'll probably hear that footballers' home lives spread PTSD. As football injuries become more difficult to hide from battle-weary audiences, fans will be calling for more Kevlar and then of course commensurate armor piercing anti-Kevlar. I already think football offensive lines look spectacularly under equipped without drones. Or would that position be pretended to play defense?

Manti Te’o mistery phone paramour is a live person whose name is not Lennay Kekua. That is not the hoax

You'd think that Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o would be overjoyed to learn his internet girlfriend's death was a hoax, that the person with whom he spent days and nights on the phone is alive and well, even if her name isn't Lennay Kekua. If it's true the NFL hot-property had never met this posthumous paramour, but fell in love with her over the course of years on the phone, you'd think the bond would be super-ordinary and he'd be on the first plane to meet his miraculously restored Ophelia. The death "hoax" could have a fairytale ending! (Maybe I'm overestimating the emotional availability of a football player, but that exclamation could be a pun and a twist.) Evidently Manti Te'o presumes his fabled "Lennay Kekua" by any other name will not smell as sweet. That's certainly the conclusion a TV audience is meant to infer. The football star's sagging enthusiasm for his ex phone pal enamorada suggests he might already know her identity doesn't it? His business-of-football associates don't seem to show much curiosity either. Is it that Lennay Kekua's real identity and physical appearance have to be vetted by Notre Dame or by the NFL before they approve a re-engagement with the Manti entity integral to their business plan? No doubt American Football might also not ready for a gender switch, if the phone passed around the locker room in the persona of "Lennay" turns out to be Manti's "prankster" friend Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. Macho Manti Te'o is entitled to the private life of his choosing, but when the media money machine plumbs real-life drama to pull the nation's heartstrings, we're entitled to see what comes up at the end of the line, especially the more feverishly they try to cut it. Because isn't there a real chance here for something transformative? Imagine if Manti Te'o is revealed to be gay, what that could do for traditional divisive stereotypes, blessed by football. Reality television teases us with the charismatic potential of witnessing real life, but carefully scripts what we see to preclude an unpredictable outcome.

Crime versus American Football – Where in the Hell are the police?

Oh American pro football! What warlock/ warlike glory! Gotta root for the home team we all do! But what if it degenerates down into criminal activity, where would the police be? Well now we have the answer.... They will be totally ABSENT from the scene of the crime, although they seem to have hundreds of millions to fight the Free Speech Rights of participants in Occupy Wall Street and all its local spinoffs. Here we have the case of New Orleans, and its police... NFL suspends New Orleans Saints coaches, GM for 'bounties' on opponents Notice what's missing from this piece of reporting? Why it's the lack of any action taken by the New Orleans police! Here we have the NFL taking action but we see no action taken by the police. Why is that? Engaging in a criminal conspiracy that organizes group activities by people all trying to severely injure and maybe even kill other people is a crime, New Orleans police. It's a crime, Barack Obama Administration and FBI. The participants in this type of CRIME if found guilty by a jury, should receive many years in prison, but that can't happen if the police and government simply sit back and do nothing. So where in the Hell are the police? The fact that this criminal activity occurred during 'football season' is no reason for the police to not bring criminal charges against the authors of this criminal conspiracy! This incident from American pro football illustrates the depths of degeneracy that American society has allowed itself to be pulled down into. It shows us all that it is way past time to start demanding real policing and not just an American military and police State. It's time that Americans demand that it's police POLICE, and not merely harass the poor and those trying to voice opposition to Big Business and Big Business dictatorship in America. It's time that Americans begin to demand that the military also defend the country, and not just occupy foreign countries while committing multiple war crimes and crimes against humanity. It is way past time to begin to do what we must begin to do!

The Hail Mary pass still would need an Immaculate Reception.

So, in the spirit of Code Duello, trial by combat, Might Makes Right and all that stupid crap, what happens when Texas Christian U., Southern Methodist University, Brigham Young and Notre Dame square off in a four way winner take all? Will GOD Almighty choose the leaders of His Creation from a trial by combat amongst colleges representing the seminaries of American Christendom? Would He toss in a "ringer" like the New Orleans Saints? What if He uses the hole in the roof of the Cowboys Stadium to barf on "His" Team? Sound ridiculous? How much more so the notion that He really cares who wins a football game? Or that a victory on the battlefield of Real War means that your own country is far more righteous and beloved than The Other Side?

Update on the Vuvuzela ban in British Soccer

I mentioned the cheaply made plastic horns being banned on the ridiculous "public safety-homeland security" excuse that they could be a weapon. Now, I've a passing familiarity with weapons and the scars and record to prove it. If you could possibly use a vuvuzela as a weapon, if you have that skill level, then you would do a far quicker job of it with your bare hands. I also mentioned that the Soccer Football clubs don't ban drunken rowdies, and the existence of beer so strong it's properly measured in "proof" the way distilled spirits would be, 40% alcohol = 80 proof. The usual strength of distilled spirits in the U.S. Anything over 100 proof, is considered "overproof". This is not from direct experience, I don't drink. I do have a steadily decreasing number of friends who do. One of the many Reaganite approved ways of offing yourself with a little help from the Corporate Empire. Like this example. 55% 110 Proof BEER. It's a microbrew, sure. Most English beer that's a mere 25% alcohol (they call American beer "piss") isn't micro-brew, it's commercial grade toxins. This stuff is called "The End of History", they made like 12 bottles for sale, at 500 pounds per bottle. Using stuffed animals to hold the bottles. By that I don't mean Winnie the Pooh dolls or "my pretty pony" dolls... Yes, that's really a dead squirrel. You'd be drinking, had they not sold all 12 bottles almost immediately, so we know there's at least 2 dozen truly SICK ind-DUH-Viduals on the loose in our planet who have enough money to pay about $750 for something like ... drinking from a dead animal. It seems to me that you'd be French-kissing a dead rodent. While and at the same time, in a pointlessly repetitive, yet redundant, sort of way, poisoning yourself. Bottoms up. These dudes seriously need to make friends with Bill W. Meanwhile, in America and in Britain one can get the equivalent of a life sentence if you have pain medicine that's not prescribed for you. The Capitalist Propagandists who are cheering this particular piece of Legalized (and insane) Drug Dealing, also cheered when Jeb Bush refused to issue a pardon to a Florida Resident who had 20 Vicodins which had been prescribed to him, for neuro pain from Multiple Sclerosis, and given a 25 year sentence without parole on the One-strike-you're-out rule. The same week that Jeb Bush's daughter, who also happened to be the niece of the (at the time) Current President of the U.S. and the granddaughter of another President.... got probation and a "sentence" to drug rehab after testing dirty for cocaine while already on probation for drug offenses. And, meanwhile, here in Colorado Springs, the TeaBags are petitioning to ban the use of Medical Marijuana citywide. Their Puppet Organization the "Our Westside Neighbors" Fascist Control Freak Group is supporting the petition. Hypocrisy in action.

Futbol or Football, it’s all about us

Americans already have a "football" and so come into conflict with a majority of the world when our television broadcasters have to say "soccer" and assuage the confusion of US viewers when confronted by everyone else's "football." And ironic too, the sportscasters like to explain, compounding their error, because it's about the foot and the ball, unlike domestic football which is about using your hands to carry an un-spherical bladder. But this humor presumes another American overreach: "Futbol" incorporates "foot" and "ball" only if you speak English. In a preponderance of languages, futbol defines neither foot nor ball, and mimics simply the phonetic term used by the British, whose colonial representatives were responsible for spreading the game across the world. As long time English speakers, the Brits have no difficulty with differentiating football from American Football. But Americans didn't come by the term "soccer" on its own, which brings to light the other side to the complexity of FIFA's hope to standardize the World Cup experience. Americans are not alone in resisting globalization's attack on their cultural identity. A great deal of the world doesn't call it FOOTBALL either. To survey just the languages which share our Arabic alphabet, here's how others refer to what we call soccer: Sokker (Afrikaans), Fodbold (Danish), Voetbal (Dutch), Jalgpall (Estonian), Jalkapallo (Finnish), Labdarúgás (Hungarian), Calcio (Italian), Sepak bola (Indonesian), Putbol (Filipino), Peil (Irish), Pęl-droed (Welsh), Pi?ka no?na (Polish), and Nogomet (Croatian).

Tim Tebow here’s your sign

Football evangelist Tim Tebow is at it again, proselytizing with his sportsman mascara. This time it's Ephesians, something about how you're saved by your belief in Jesus, regardless your deeds. It's the same mentality that has Americans crusading against the Islamic world, desecrating humanity with an impunity sanctioned by blind faith. It's the same mindless arrogance that emboldens Brit Hume to call Tiger Woods to Christianity, whose American tradition has it that all your mother killing and father raping will be forgiven. In Hume's world, Tokyo Rose was tried for inciting war crimes. Hume doesn't recognize that he's guilty of worse. In Hume's Christianity, apparently only Buddhists reap what they sow. What is the point of the messaging in the eye black? Is it merely more ad space, like the helmets with the American flag decals, or uniforms with the Nike logos or embedded Swooshes, Gatoraid patchs and corporate sponsors of whichever bowl? Dark patches beneath the eyes might be nature's way of easing the trauma of bright light on hangover sufferers. If the black light-sinks work, then Tebow's white on black script most certainly impedes his vision. It was always my impression that football players marked their faces with shoe polish like it was indian war paint, to give themselves a menacing look. I think that's more Tebow's motif, to intimidate with self-righteousness. In which case, the I'm-better-than-you scripture reference would seem more along the lines of the sign which restaurants post above the coat rack: not responsible for stolen items, although common law dictates that if you are seated beyond line of sight of the garments you shed, the restaurant is responsible. Tim Tebow informs us, through Ephesians, that he has chosen to follow God's will for him, that his lifetime consist of playing American football. Whether they understands it or not, Tebow and company vitalize the spiritual center of America's culture of violence. We kick ass, and hold God responsible.

Race for the cure, race to the source

I'm seeing a sea of pink gloves as receivers and defensive backs vie for the long bomb; on the sidelines, pink shoes, pink caps, pink jerseys and pennants; on the players' helmets, pink ribbon decals next to the other patriotic flair. Have you seen the breast cancer awareness t-shirt which reads "Save the Ta-Tas?" When childbearing-age ta-tas are threatened, maybe American men will do more than commemorate cancer. Then we'll see pink smokestacks, pink chemical tankers, and pink mammogram machines. This industrial pink-wash is as unfunny as pinkeye.

White Flight from football to assault rifle

Ryan dons the rest of his gear in the car. Pads, armor, helmet, even mouth guard. I adjust the rearview mirror downward until I see his small frame in the backseat. We're only halfway to practice and he's already biting down, breathing through his nose, focused straight ahead. It's the same routine for football, except today he's got a lacrosse stick across his knees. In his grip, I should say. When we pull the car to the edge of the parking lot, he jumps and literally hits the ground running. From my height he gives me the sense I'm a helicopter pilot who's dropped soldier reinforcements to join the team on the pitch. There's a steep hillock between Ryan and the field, but his charge never slows, he ascends like a Cavalry of One, his stick brandished like an assault rifle. Would an M16 be held any different? The difference between football and lacrosse is that your little assault squad is armed. In 1763 a band of Chippewa Indians seized Fort Michilimackinac by feigning a game of baggataway, the Native American origin of lacrosse. The Indians pretended that an over-spirited drive led players over the fortifications and within minutes they'd stormed the ramparts. In a spirit of honoring American Indian tradition, like the harvest celebration of Thanksgiving, American dads are pushing a new sport unto the youth athletic season. Because the first early adopters where also the first white men to hit the New World, the sport now has a Mayflower WASP identity too. Lacrosse has an exotic appeal in spite of its New England tradition. It's sort of field hockey gone aerial, full court jai alai with armor, East Coast blue blood rooted with the authentic red bloods, the original old money land owners. Is that what's behind the lacrosse resurgence? As Ryan's team wrapped up the other day, they passed baseball diamonds and could not hold back from chanting "lacrosse, lacrosse" toward the children playing baseball, as if to instigate a cross-sport rivalry. Lacrosse teams are still relatively scarce. On weekends they have to cross neighboring metropolitan regions to play each other. How many sports programs do you need to round out your kids? Boys have baseball, football and basketball, among the big team sports. Neither of which are the biggest sports internationally. Soccer and handball. Curiously both those require little equipment. They are perfect for the Third World, but imperfect for consumer cultures which have wheels of commerce to drive, especially in recreational pursuits. Which could explain why Lacrosse teams have to traverse great distances to encounter adversaries. The usual cross town rivals can't pony up the money for this game. Lacrosse is White Flight from football. Most schools have barely enough money to keep their athletes in football gear, let alone a completely redundant lacrosse kit. And so the only kids playing lacrosse are from families who can afford the hundreds extra for the specialized equipment. Added bonus, there are no players bringing a black athletic advantage to the game. Like the

Is there a sumo in your future?

I used to avert my imagination on the subject of Sumo Wrestling. Probably I still do, visualization wise. But the bigger than grotesque spectacle has suddenly fascinated me, as a historic predecessor of the wide world of sport of our future. How odd that a tiny bonsai-grown island people fixate on professional athletes multiple times a normal human size. It seems so inorganic, to cheer for man-hippos, instead of competitors made from our own image. After all, we cheer for home teams, not cross town rivals. But sports fans are coming round once again to see their hero athletes for the super humans they need to be, to impress us with their superhuman feats. Might I suggest that for a brief democratic period, baseball offered more than an illusion, that a neighborhood hero could emerge from the most unassuming physique. Today Americans recognize that professional athletes are no longer improved versions of us. Real winners are crafted by genetics and unimaginable dedication, for their superhuman destinies. Our insistence that athletes cannot use steroids therefore seems to me awkwardly unreasonable. Doping levels the playing field, for aspirants up against genetics. That viewers recognize the well demarcated expectations of the differing athlete body types, became no more clear to me than in this year's Super Bowl, when a Steelers linebacker carried the ball from end zone to end zone, dodging not only his pursuers, but the book maker's handicap as well. Even Saturday Night Live parodied the feat, although their urban comedy cannot be said to snub the NFL certainly. Weekend Update portrayed the beleaguered James Harrison as still out of breath, a full week after SB XLIII. It seems even SNL knows that non-sports watchers would recognize that Harrison's 100 yard triumph was over and above what a non-running football position could be called upon to do. It could almost have been an ordinary Japanese man facing a Sumo. That would be populist fantasy, but not sport.

Veggie Love

"Veggie Love" Banned Super Bowl Ad ...Do vegetarians have better sex as PETA alleges, or in fact do beer guzzling Super Bowl fans have it more and better? Carrots versus Beer? Which is it? And youtube and the National Football League both want to know if you are mature enough to deal with this issue?

The All-American Hitler Youth uniform

COLO. SPRINGS- You won't find Youth Football scheduled on Sundays. Are they concerned about conflicting with Sunday church service or with the NFL? Televised Pro Football doesn't defer to the Lord's day, in fact, it's rechristened it. That's not to pretend that football is America's religion, but hasn't its violence become our nationalist ethos? I think football's armature is obviously the uniform of our soldiers and paramilitary police. The day seems to grow ever farther off, when US imperial Fascism will be unmasked for what it is, at least when common Americans will come to recognize it: white supremacy through Capitalism. What will ultimately be revealed as having been America's propaganda programs aimed at its children, akin to the Hitler Youth of the Nazis? No Child Left Behind tills the soil of impressionable minds with its scorched-earth mis-education, the Boy Scouts plant seeds, and the Junior Marines harvest. But American football fertilizes with ideology. Roman Catholics excuse Pope Benedict XVI (himself a Pius XII apologist) having belonged to the Hitlerjugend in his youth, by explaining that a wider percentage of German children belonged than really ascribed to Nazi extremism. Might not the same rationalization be made about America's young footballers? Few of the young athletes grow up to join the SS, but a good many of them will conform from the sidelines and lead the nationalist cheers. Can the NFL even pretend to be an innocuous spectator sport where it is obviously ritualized warfare? Patriotic American flags adorn the back of every NFL helmet. Not the front. Though both teams of the game are marked with the national flag, only the side on the offensive is noticed carrying it. The TV camera frames the flag as the viewer follows the advance. Television convention has it that in closeup, defenders are usually shown facing us. Whichever team we may be cheering, the TV would seem to prefer to project the hopeful ambition of the ventured aggression, sooner than the held-breath of the position defended. Boyscout uniforms, like those of the Hitler Youth, glorified the soldiers of their day by emulating the functionality of their rugged khaki clothing. Can the same thing be said of scouts today? US soldiers, like their compatriot law enforcement officers stateside, wear bullet-proof armor. Combat soldiers, like riot police, wear padded exoskeletons under increasingly intimidating garb. Who are the 10-16 year-olds playing soldier these days?

The Lysol toilet bowl game

You probably know that I'm a big sports fan. I grew up watching football with my dad and cut my teeth on the traditions, the rivalries, the pageantry of college football. Some of my fondest memories are of college bowl games that were played during the holiday season. Bowl games presented matchups that were not seen in the regular season. From the weary television console came team histories, funny mascots, famous coaches, bright college colors, and excited pennant-waving crowds. It seemed to me that life came to a halt while the entire world focused on football for a few days. The Tournament of Roses game, now known as the Rose Bowl, started in 1902. It was a classic East-West battle, and was the only bowl game held outside of the South until 1971. Paired with the beautiful early morning parade, it has been part of every New Year's Day that I can remember. In 1933, the first Orange Bowl game was played. Its purpose was to draw attention to the unknown city of Miami and help build a tourism industry. Next came the Sugar Bowl (1935, New Orleans), the Sun Bowl (1936, El Paso), the Cotton Bowl (1937, Dallas), and the Gator Bowl (1946, Jacksonville). The associations behind these bowl games had altruistic beginnings. Most benefited charities, many which were recently formed to help people in the wake of the Great Depression. Today they still have 501(c)(3) status but their exempt purpose is fuzzier, bringing economic impact to a particular area. Most current bowls still contribute a large portion of revenue to worthy causes. For example, the Gator Bowl gives 75% of game revenue to support educational pursuits in Jacksonville. Of course they do, and I'm sure the money is put to good use. But if hard truth be told, I'll bet that much of the money given to charity is a payout to preserve their nonprofit status, to keep the IRS at bay. The late 1950s saw a proliferation of new bowl games hoping to make money from television coverage. The first bowl game to sell corporate naming rights was the US F&G Sugar Bowl in 1988. The move generated an adverse reaction from the public. No matter, it has now become commonplace. I personally loathe each and every corporation that co-opts tradition in the name of profit. Naming rights are even sold for half-time reports. The most memorable was an attempt to reach out to female viewers, the Stayfree Maxi-pad Half-time Report. At least that one made me laugh. I can't say the same for my dad who quickly left to stir the chili. I suppose I should be more understanding. With competition from the new bandwagon bowl games, which offer team payouts in the millions, the old timers have to play by the same rules. After all, bowls can't make money if the teams don't show up. And

Nike tags more advertizing surface

Oh my goodness look at the Swooshes TM! Nike strikes again with its branding of the Minnesota Vikings. How many not so subliminal Nike trademarks do you see in this picture? The Viking uniforms sport the same torso swoosh as the Broncos but there's more! Above the shoulders, behind the arms, and the refashioned horns. If the NFL is more restrictive than the NCAA about displaying manufacturers logos on uniforms, that's not keeping Nike from tagging the athletes like so much graffiti. On the old helmet, the ring around the horn was a semi circle, not a lateral crescent.

Nike swoosh the new uniform

My lover won't talk to me if I refer to the garments of professional athletes as "outfits." She doesn't appreciate "costumes" either. Both terms fit to me, considering the theatricality of the performances and outcomes, involving rivalries that could not matter less.   The new Bronco look is distinguished by a curvy flank stripe, designed by the uniform's manufacturer... NIKE! Bronco fans still argue it's not product placement of the trademark Nike Swoosh. That's a Bronco fan for you. I'll admit when a Bronco is standing up, or is at rest, the orange swoosh forms just an elongated crescent. The real genius of this design is that when the athlete is poised to strike or is in motion, either end of the slash serves to form America's beloved Just Do It check mark. Tell me the photo at right doesn't reflect the real competing titans of the NFL: Adidas versus Nike.

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