How does a Cripple ride a bicycle?

See, I’ve heard that from skeptics who don’t believe that I have such difficulty walking. Usually Right Wingers who believe that anybody who collects disability is some kind of Bum and Cheat. The answers are sort of simple, if you have a mind to learn a few things. The first thing is that the impact of turning the crank is far less than that of 220 pounds shifting onto and off the necrosed bones in the Talus/Cuboid/metatarsals super joint on each foot. Necrosed is just a fancy Greek word meaning “dead”. Yes, I have a balance problem that goes along with it. That’s another contentious problem that Stupid People can’t understand, if one can’t maintain ones balance standing, how would he do it perched on a bicycle?

Newtons Third Law. That doesn’t apply te the dopers rule that taking more than a third of the bag of Newton Cookies is a Munchies-Oriented Crime.

No, it means the laws of Inertia and Conservation of Angular Momentum. It involves the oh, shit, how do I explain it to people whose command of the English language consists of grunting really clever stuff like “Libruls R Terrists” and “Hey hippie, why don’t you cut yer hair?” Or simply throwing a beer bottle out of the passenger side of your best friend’s ride and then peeling off Real Fast… because even TWO dumbass rednecks wouldn’t be enough to take on a crippled up old Hippie.

If one of your friends is stupid enough to lend you a bike of any sort, go around the block a few times. Feel that pull of extra weight when you turn a corner or just wobble the front wheel. It means it takes more energy to go turn from the direction in which you’re travelling than to keep going straight.

I know that many of you are kind of simple and don’t know what a “Top” is and can’t even pronounce “gyroscope” far less know what it means, well, a “Top” is a toy gyroscope, there’s a picture of it on the front of your tobacco pouch when you’re too lazy to steal Marlboros, or the clerk is suspicious. But a top or any other gyroscope, such as a wheel that’s in motion, as long as it’s spinning it will remain upright.

If you can’t con one of your friends into lending you a bike and you’re just not honest enough to buy one, to teach yourself the mechanics of how a Cripple can ride a bicycle, you could just steal one. Like one of you did about an hour and a half ago in front of the King Soopers at Uintah Gardens.

Brother Jonah

About Brother Jonah

Recovering Texan. Christian while and at the same time Anarchist. (like Tolstoy only without the beard, for now) Constantly on the lookout for things which have relevance to things I already know. Autistic. Proud to be Ex- air force. Out of the killing machine for 27 years 4 months and 5 days woohoo!
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1 Response to How does a Cripple ride a bicycle?

  1. None of the usual readers would do something like that, I know. But we get our unfair share of drunken Right Wing twits who often feel the urge to navigate to Liberal or Anarchist websites and bark at the Hippies from the safety of their parents’ basements.

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