Speaking of books… Tim LaHaye.

Tim LaHaye. OK, so that says a LOT in just two words. I know what the Non-Christian opinion is, now for a Christian voice. The dude is selling a Study Bible with a fold out graphical timetable from the start of the tribulation to the Rapture to Armageddon, $49.99 on your credit card. The credit cards that many believe to be a form of The Mark of The Beast. Now, I’ve heard from somebody, oh, who was it, oh yeah, Solomon, hmmm… “Naked came I into this world, and naked shall I depart, I brought nothing in my hand, and shall take nothing away”. “you can’t take it with you” So, how does Mr LaHaye plan to transfer those funds to the Bank of Heaven? I’m pretty certain that his Visa is going to be rejected for insufficient funds. That and Visa will probably deny it anyway because they have a clause in the contract that you’re not allowed to use your card once you’re dead. And there’s a list of allowed countries where they’ll transfer funds, and I’m certain that Heaven isn’t on the list.

Once there’s a Rapture, if we do get taken out before everything starts getting scary, then all his money would be left to whom, exactly? All The Believers Will Be GONE. Who is going to collect the unclaimed funds? Hmm… The Government, perhaps? The one that’s to be headed by Beel-ze-bub in person? (they have to skip around in three separate books of the Bible to piece together the Rapture anyhow, it’s not in the Revelation.)

If there’s no Easy-Way-Out Free pass and we all have to face the tribulation full on, then any money we gave to Mr LaHaye is like, Gonzo, dude. And for the exact same reason.

One thing definitely going to be Left Behind is my money. And it’s more than the Left Behind series, and a King James Bible that costs less than 5 bucks to print up (I know because there’s a bunch of them on the market for $5) and no need to pay royalties for the contents either.

He’s got a bunch of books and the starting price seems to be $24.99. That means 20 of them would set me back a half grand.

There’s not much chance Rich Folks are the intended audience. So who does that leave (behind) to fork over the bread? Speaking as a Poor Person or at least Not Leisure Class person, I can confidently state that a half grand is not pocket change for quite a huge percentage of the intended audience. If he was pushing them onto people who DO consider a short stack of Benjamins to be Pocket Change then he’s leaving behind substantially more than 80% of the people of the world.

There’s a recognized sin in every church called Simony. Named for a person in the Book of the Acts of the Apostles named Simon Magus, and is the buying and selling of the Holy Ghost or trying to.

Perhaps Mr LaHaye should examine himself, with much prayer, to see if he’s crossed that line.

It’s kind of important to him.

There’s another pair of TV Preachers (one of my pastors called the entire concept “Hell-evangelism”.) selling a similar Bible, similar study guides, on Credit Cards instead of cash basis…

“a beautiful Heirloom quality Bible that will be cherished for generatio…” Say What? If WE are the last generation what non-future non-generation will inherit the book?

There’s a preacher joke, as in something you’ll hear from the pulpit, this guy is told by the angel that “It’s time, you’re going home”. The guy is rich, doesn’t want to leave ALL his riches, the angel rolls his eyes and says “Ok, we’ll let you take two small suitcases” The guy thinks “hmmm, fancy clothes? nah, I’m supposed to get the finest Haute Couture in all all the universe, that stash of diamonds, hmmm same thing… T-bills, nope, where would I cash them. Ah, I know, I’ll take those gold bars!”

So he hustles, packs his bags, tells the angel he’s ready, POOF! he’s passing through the pearly gates, angel hangs back to talk to St Peter, they hear an anguished cry…..

Angel and St Pete look at each other and Pete says “Yep, another one who realized he just brought up two boxes of pavement stones”.

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Brother Jonah

About Brother Jonah

Recovering Texan. Christian while and at the same time Anarchist. (like Tolstoy only without the beard, for now) Constantly on the lookout for things which have relevance to things I already know. Autistic. Proud to be Ex- air force. Out of the killing machine for 27 years 4 months and 5 days woohoo!
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2 Responses to Speaking of books… Tim LaHaye.

  1. Avatar Joellen Aune says:

    The bus will leave — with or without you!

  2. Avatar Brother Jonah says:

    The bus leaves for everybody once.
    If the Rapture happens as said by preachers, but not the Bible, then I’m outta here.
    If we suffer through the entire tribulation, then I’m still outta here.
    If God has a different plan for us than what some command Him to have, and I live to be a hundred and step off the curb in front of a truck, or a bullet, or cancer or whatever God’s exit plan for me will be, I still leave.

    I won’t be trying to take any money with me though. And I won’t be telling God that He has to do everything in a set pattern gleaned by interpreting one or two sentences here and there throughout the Bible either.

    You remember Jonah, the Prophet? Telling God up until the last sentence of the book that God had to burn Nineveh into the ground. Demanded it. God said in the last paragraph what Jonah had said at the start of the book, that God had the power to decide, and God could do as God pleases. Jonah didn’t flee from his burden of prophecy because of any fear of the Assyrians. They could have killed him just as easily in Israel as they could have done in Nineveh. He was afraid that God would change His plan. And Jonah wanted the Assyrians DEAD. All of them. Even, as God mentions at the last paragraph, the ones who didn’t know their right hands from their left. Because, you see, they were infants.

    Notice, too, something. Jonah had to be the one who wrote the narrative, or related it to somebody who wrote it down.

    There’s three conversations with Him that only had two parties, God and Jonah. At the start of the book, from the belly of the great fish, and when God tells Jonah that God decides, not Jonah.

    Eventually, Jonah must have repented and departed from his attitude of wanting everybody killed.

    There’s another thing. The King of Assyria, and all his court, and the people of Nineveh, and indeed the TOWN of Nineveh (the harbor silted up and now it’s non-navigable, so the town withered and died as surely as that vine over Jonah’s head) and Jonah himself… they’re ALL gone now.

    Caught the bus one by one.

    So, do you give up the main goal and the main duty of Christianity, that of charity, the base of all loves, in favor of “catching a bus” and rejoicing to see Nineveh fall?
    Watching it in the metaphoric metaphysical “rear-view mirror”, or maybe sitting in a makeshift tent under a dying gourd vine?

    I’ve noticed that a lot of people are using the “promise” of the Rapture as an excuse for doing absolutely nothing for God. Or worse, doing things in the name of God that shouldn’t be done in Any Name.
    Fueling the fire that can consume everything and everybody and saying not that they hate the people who will be burnt, but saying “So What? My pastor told me that I’m not going to be one of those burnt anyway, so there!!”

    Even WANTING Iran and Israel to have a nuclear exchange that will destroy both. Yes, I’ve heard preachers say exactly that. Because they believe that two chapters of Ezekiel, one from Isaiah, the dream of Nebuchadnezzar, a sentence from Second Corinthians, one from Ephesians, and the Revelation all come together to Command GOD to make the English and American “race” the New Chosen People and replace the promise to Isaac with yet another Covenant, this time with the English. The English and Americans aren’t mentioned in the Bible. Anywhere.

    One of the “prophets” held sacred by the Manifest Destiny America-as-the-New-Jerusalem proponents, Cotten Mather, even while “anointing” America as “the shining city on a hill”, acknowledged in a really backhanded way that America isn’t mentioned once in the scriptures.

    Using that as an excuse to attempt genocide against American Indians and still convince himself that he was doing as God commanded him. We weren’t mentioned in the Bible, therefore we were constructs of Satan and had no souls.

    There’s a lot more to prophecy than simply accepting what you’re told.

    …and I’m not selling $5 Bibles for $50 apiece either.

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