Have WMDs, will travel

Trying to find weapons of mass destruction in your area to stop those Iranian beasts that got you so scared? Did you know that the Air Force controls over 6,000 nuclear weapons out of around 10,000 that the US has on standby? About 400 of these are located about 200 miles are so away from Colorado Springs at Warren Air Force Base. Feel more secure now? Whatever you do, don’t refer to these as Ass Force bases if you visit Cheyenne, Wyoming. Or if you go to the local Air Force Academy for a hike. Or you might get yourself handcuffed and hauled away to jail like those 3 highschool cheerleaders did at the football game.

I once got into an argument with a friend in Seattle that assured me that the US was not an overly militarized society! He just didn’t see it as compared to Israel, where he had toured as a rock star while a youngster. That is a militarized society he assured me, not here. Well, FYI, the Seattle area not only has the Boeing Company as its main employer, but it also has about 2,500 atomic weapons ready for deployment centered at Bangor less than 100 miles from the city. But my friend just had a blindspot in his vision, that’s all. He just couldn’t see what was right in front of him.

You are much more likely to be blown up by an American nuclear weapon, than by an Iranian one.

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1 Response to Have WMDs, will travel

  1. Avatar The 13th says:

    Seems the Air Force was missing a few of its friends recently…


    Where were they??? Flying over the United States.

    Who did not know they were aboard the aircraft? The U.S. Air Force.

    Who did they belong to? The U.S. Air Force.

    How long were they floating innocently above U.S. airspace without anyone’s awareness? 3 1/2 hours. The entire flight.

    Should we worry? The people who made this mistake assures us that the warheads were in their custody at all times – EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THEIR WHEREABOUTS FOR 3 1/2 HOURS. Whew! I feel better! It would have been a shame to find they had fallen into the hands of the Girl Scouts.

    News of this story first appeared on Navy Times website and it has also been covered by CNN. The missing nuclear missles were part of a small arms re-shuffle, in process of being decommissioned. Apparently better WMDs keeps everyone so busy that our tired troops just don’t know what’s coming or going lest they hear explosions.

    O.k. I exaggerate. The Air Force has also reassured us that there was no way for these nuclear weapons to detonate. Probably true. I have an American-made stapler and I’ll be damned if I can keep the thing from jamming. More clipping for sure.

    Meanwhile the Air Farce has also reassured the public they will be investigating their procedures. Such a statement is akin to the surgeons who misplace their scalpels inside their patients. It’s good to know that the cancer is being removed – but that stabbing stomach ache also assures the customer will be back for more. Look forward to another 3000 page taxpayer-sponsored secret dossier to advocate better whipmasters.

    Until then, beware of carrion luggage and in-fight intern-raiments!

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