Opposites attract? Maybe if one feels a lack.
When my husband and I were in our mid-twenties, we worked out at a hip club in Denver. We did aerobics for cardiovascular health and lifted weights to stave off osteoporosis. We had a group of friends, like-minded couples, who were our workout buddies. We went to the club several times a week for years. We were an integral square on the yuppie quilt.
Once Dave and I had an unexpected encounter at the water fountain. Maybe it was my long wavy 80s hair, or my leg warmers and matching scrunchie, but Dave was overcome by passion and gave me a big smooch. I returned to my class and he to his weights. One of our friends said to him, “Did I just see you kiss your sister?” Dave, horrified, said, “That isn’t my sister, that’s my wife!”
Hmmmm. Rather telling. Why did I choose Dave as a mate? Well, because he grew up here in Colorado Springs; we shared a common history. He was smart and funny, edgy and difficult, driven, athletic, competitive, decisive. He loved George Jones and Hank Williams, not Flock of Seagulls or Tears for Fears. He followed sports with a passion that defied rationality. He wanted a big family and a successful career.
Or was that me?
After many years of marriage, we divorced. We’d grown apart. We had irreconcilable differences. Simply put, he no longer resembled the me that I love.
Now I have another. He is a writer, a musician, introspective, analytical, sensual, a world traveler. Intelligent, strong-willed. He has an outward focus and a knowledge of history and the arts. He has no interest in sports or money, but has an affinity for children and cares about the planet. He has sophisticated taste, and a distaste for the inequities between earth’s inhabitants.
Or is that me?
Opposites don’t attract. Like attracts like. I’d marry myself if I could.
Well – no short reply to answer this one I’m afraid, but I don’t know if it’s counterpoint or just expansion.
Either way – it’s called “Opposible Thumbs and The Universe”
Last night I was out having a beer with a close friend named Dave. While our emails remained slightly detached it was nice to see our friendship, laughter, and conversations renewed in person with comfort and a bit of ale. Among the numerous topics we touched upon was a slight concern of a culture that emphasizes “good decision making” as a singularity towards concepts of contentment and/or success. My friend has a neighbor that has taken this belief to extremity, even believing that “bad” parents are the result of poor pre-natal choices made by the infant!
Lately, I am VERY non-plussed with most singularity philosophies and advocacies of linear reward. A web comment that I recently read expresses similar concern: “I’m having trouble imagining what a top-down social network would be. I assume it would be something like the military, wherein your social interactions are dictated by others within The System.”
First, I’m not a parent. As such perhaps the following tract is not apparent either. But I’m going to give explaining the beauty of diverse attractions a bit it a try!
“A curious mind is the universe, and answers are such comfortable chairs.” – The 13th
I think human bonding occurs at both levels – opposites attract and similarity attracts.
Sometimes Attraction is “Yin” to “Yang” and Rock to Roll. Viva Las Vegas! What a great way to learn diversity versus intolerance, compromise versus conviction, comparison and mutual respect. (The 13th Boombox plays music for the dancers!)
At other times Attraction is the reinforced stroke of similarity. Once, I sarcastically called narcissism “The Capitalist’s Guide to Love”. Yet every dog will have their bone, and I suppose it’s best when they consider it a steak as well as a stake! Discovery often comes with a flag raise, followed by elected borders. I, too, hold tight to that which is treasurable!
One current theory per the end of attraction and/or commitments is that it’s because the rewards do not match the costs. I rather cringe to believe this in strict terms as it makes me want to count a lover’s teeth like a horse sale. And of course, under such terms, I feel a bit barcoded myself.
When musician Laurie Anderson’s father died, she lamented (in a lyric) that it felt like “a whole library had burnt down”. I suppose as we get older the more we realize the depths of humans. When younger we mostly focus on their potential (or our own). Both are correct.
In the narrow of the grass blade, I found her dew.
In the width of a valley, I heard my echo.
Amidst the knife of survivalism, I found the spooning and the forking. Lunch was served.
In the crystal ball of her eyes, I see many people.
From wikipedia: “Whipped honey is a honey that has been processed to control crystallization. Whipped honey contains a large number of small crystals in the honey. The small crystals prevent the formation of larger crystals that can occur in unprocessed honey. The processing also produces a honey with a smooth spreadable consistency.”
I’m a bit archaic, but I currently believe most in the “crystal method” per prolonged attraction. A moment becomes “solid” – we choose to keep it or discard, build it or let go. Echoing helps preserve a memory but not always a future. Melding is eminent with all experience factored by time.
I don’t believe in “romantic love” as a form of grand nobility. At worse and best – it seems a saving grace, and that grace can also be found in friendship as well as attraction and repulsion (if you look for it). Culturally – I believe “romantic love” varies from being a jungian passion play to becoming a “four-eyed monster” (thanks arin and susan for this metaphor!). Yet even these two broad stereotypes depend upon the Culture and the “Cultured”. Growth and Pearl (redux/ad finum).
From “planet beeseed” (a fictionary film on the beauties of domesticity and pollen): Community is surreal. Both homogenous and heterogeneous.
More important than issues of attraction and romance comes the question “do I believe in commitment as virtue?” Of course I do!!
My favorite lover’s name is Julia. Orwell’s heroine, Lennon’s daughter, and science’s mandelbrot fractal. All made beautiful by what is both seen and unseen, a concept of hope’s future, a collection of color set against the black or white.
My significant other, whose name is not Julia, is MORE than just a lover and with all due respects, is not an equivalent – not less nor more – just different.
I still send Valentines to other people and being a committed sentimentalist, I try to value those I receive, even the off target ones. My attractions are held in delicate privacy. My pride and joy, my doubts and my hopes are shared with a community. The “valentines” I send or keep aren’t always derived in matched reply nor limited nor defined by sexual desire – but certainly, in some remote ways, by degrees of attraction and repulsion. I’m quite passionate about both remote friends and fertile atrractions alike.
I believe in a form of magic. A spiritual alchemy, if you will. From zero, six, nine, and 13, comes the average of seven in numbered days -perhaps a pun to the week, but certainly, a love for the years.
I don’t always love my family, but I love my family Always.
Maybe a moot point of distinction, but nevertheless and more simply put, a recognition and a faith.
To the best of Opposites and Similarities: here’s a friendly Valentine to the polarities!
Half and half, such creme!!
Churn to butter or honey, and spread.
To Grace.
Okay, 13th, maybe YOU are my muse. I love how you express yourself…very elegant.
Well as long as we’re all a-mused sometimes!
Thanks for the thanks, Marie. The current list of “Recent Comments” were starting to sound like a bad re-write of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex:
WordPress blogging software is now more user friendly
For longer lasting erections
Your dad is going to die of cancer.
I am my own muse!
You saw the headlines, no doubt…
Creepylocks and the Three Blondes
Be mindful of little wizards
Your dad is going to die of cancer
Your dad is going to die of cancer
Your dad is going to die of cancer
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so i was looking for a place to contribute:
http://corporatemofo.com/society_and_antisocial_tendenc/odd_todd_the_corporate_mofo_in.html
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