First the New England Patriots got caught spying on their adversaries, now they've been tweaking the air-pressure of their game balls to sneak a ballistic handling advantage. Rules be damned, Patriot quarterback Tom Brady prefers his ordnance two pounds psi shy, hollow-points --if you will-- which are also against regulation. For how long have the Patriots been manipulating advantages? And how else? They weren't satisfied with the home field advantage on Sunday. Maybe officials should bring protractors to investigate the Boston gridiron. A level playing field doesn't likely suit the Patriots either. 41721
Tag: Sport
Bystander video of Schumacher ski crash puts lie to “off-piste” connerie
When Formula One racer Michael Schumacher broke his crown on a French ski slope last week, Meribel resort spokesmen went into damage control mode by declaring the speed champion was skiing "off-piste". That's Anglo-French for off-the-trail or out-of-bounds. Initial reports mentioned the specific slope on which Schumacher crashed, but subsequent press releases amended the account to reassure tourists that this downhill interruptus occurred outside of the permitted area. Isn't that always the official line of resort operators and their insurers --ski accidents result when patrons stray where they're not allowed? This theme puzzles regular skiers who know the back country is usually thoroughly demarcated and sealed. It was no surprise then when a bystander video emerged which showed Schumacher's accident happening exactly where originally stated, on the Grand Couloir (trans: Big Corridor) between Mauduit and La Biche. Thus we discover the disingenuous definition of "off-piste". It means the piste's edge! Be it trees, rocks or cliff, it's the most probable thing with which a skier can collide: the border of a groomed slope. Saying Schumacher crashed off-piste is like saying his Ferrarir didn't crash at a racetrack, but rather against the track's wall; or like saying a person didn't fall
Super Bowl 2013 commemorates American warrior culture minus wounded vets
TV NATION- Can Americans no longer embarrass themselves? This year's pregame holiday extended to Super Bowl Eve with an un-ironic commemoration ceremony, an all-star gala tribute to football, acclaiming it a venerated touchstone of the American character, the public mob like drunken monks feasting the humanitarian contributions of the Spanish Inquisition. Football celebrates America's cultural blood lust, a surrogate for our preemptive senseless war making, whose shared cartoon violence is expunged of its real antisocial inhumanity. Probably owing to this season's pre pregame homophobia scandal, where collegiate casualty Manti Teo showed signs of early onset Mohammed Ali's disease, fans learned about the concealed football side effect of compounded concussions, akin to IED survivors' collateral brain damage. Next we'll probably hear that footballers' home lives spread PTSD. As football injuries become more difficult to hide from battle-weary audiences, fans will be calling for more Kevlar and then of course commensurate armor piercing anti-Kevlar. I already think football offensive lines look spectacularly under equipped without drones. Or would that position be pretended to play defense?
Colorado cycling event 99 percent cop
You may have had a front row seat along Colorado Avenue to witness the USA Pro Cycling Challenge time trial, but did you expect each rider to be overwhelmed by motorized vehicles, or that you'd spend the entire day, especially the pre-show, eating CSPD's exhaust?
If you have to ask for whom the fat lady sings, it is not for Tahrir Square.
--And to really mix my malaprops, she sings for them that bought her. If there was one variable which got away from the underdogs of Egypt's Jan25 Revolution, it was who would referee the endgame. While Hosni Mubarak's stunning defiance Thursday night looked like a Hail Mary pass hoping to provoke the protesters to mayhem, as a defensive strategy he was moving the goalposts. Anticipating a capitulation, the Tahrir Square demonstrators made clear it was the entire regime which needed ousting, no Suleiman, no Emergency Law, an inviolate list of demands. Mubarak's insulting buffoonery focused the great beast's wrath like a rodeo clown. When the announcement came he was stepping down, who could not help but raise a cheer, drowning out the earlier precautions. Mubarak played Egypt like a fiddle, as he burned it, while the fat lady of state media called the game over. 22917
O, Give me a home, where the Buffalo roam
...and I'll show you a house that's not clean But let's skip to the main issue... Non-pet animals being used as mascots. Now, I had seen on the commercials last year that the CSU football team uses a live Bison as a mascot. Admittedly it's a younger calf, and held by two sturdy ropes attached to two sturdy cowboy-looking types. But seriously, have any thoughts been given to what kind of liability would be incurred if that small(er) TeTonka were to bust loose and, as wild beasts typically do when faced with huge numbers of screaming humans, panic? Jump into the stands maybe. Maybe turn on her suddenly Former handlers or the football team that's chasing behind her onto the field... I don't spend a great deal of time studying buffalo, just that their real name is bison or in Lakota "Tonka" and maybe one of our Sioux friends can correct me and I'll cheerfully accept, I think the "te" part refers to the male. I did learn from observing them day after endlessly BORING day that they on most occasions don't do a damn thing but eat, shit and move on, repeat as necessary. They're even worse than watching cattle. Watching
World Cup victory dances demonstrate culture clash of national identities
World Cup Football champions España hopped up and down like school- boys in elation about their victory. More culture shock for NFL or MLB fans: FIFA goals were celebrated with the airplane, the "can you believe that?", the pileup, the pyramid, the group dance, and team USA's "America Fuck Yeah!"
Argentine players lose to their bosses, New World Order is Old World Order
Team Argentina unfurled a banner before Saturday's match against Germany, against FIFA regulations, but it wasn't the one above which calls attention to the organization of grandmothers trying to lift the veil on Argentina's Disappeared, some of whose murderers still occupy high office. This picture was taken during an earlier practice session. Instead, before today's game, the Spanish-speaking Argentines were joined by their German-speaking adversaries to hold a sign in English: "SAY NO TO RACISM." It reached American and British viewers, but could the message have been more innocuous? 18391
FIFA vuvuzela horns may prove to be thin-skinned America’s best friend
Gearing up for Saturday's World Cup match between the USA and Ghana, media talking heads are already preparing US viewers for the home field advantage that will favor the remaining African team in contention. Convenient actually, because by chance our A-Team is booed in any arena it sets its invader's foot. The now maligned South African horns have so far masked a third world animosity that might put most Americans over the edge. The nerve of those ingrates, to boo, hiss and whistle the emperor's freedomTM fighters?
Soccer offsides rule is agreement not to score behind your opponent’s back
The US pretends the International Criminal Court doesn't have jurisdiction over its war crimes, and thinks the same immunity should shield us from FIFA referees I guess. The USA-Algeria match today was hard fought, admittedly team USA displayed an offensive edge. Rooting for Team Weasel Empire doesn't automatically make you a Nazi, but I'll be curious to hear firsthand accounts of the hostility our compatriots faced in the stands. The silver lining to a US victory is that eventually our sportscasters will have to apologize to American TV viewers about the constant booing whenever USA gets the ball. 18106
Down to sports, empires are tribal
American World Cup viewers tuning in to watch their team face England on Saturday might be excused confusion about their adversary's flag. Instead of the British Union Jack, English fans waved a red and white standard usually only glimpsed in movies where knights fight dragons, crusades, or Braveheart. That's the red cross of Saint George, dragon-slayer, minus the diagonal white-on-blue X of Scotland's Saint Andrew and the red X of Ireland's Saint Patrick. Where British dominion is concerned, natural resources and labor are commonwealth, assertion of athletic dominance is forever England. 17931
We live among gods and demigods
I know a someone who's studying Greek mythology. He isn't very impressed and told me so, probably baiting me. He fixed me in the eye and said "Put it this way, I'm not going to care about it in college." It was all I could muster to reply "Maybe." I feigned not being sure myself, which was puzzling, telling him that he would find that Greek Gods had an odd habit of popping up in almost every academic discipline, especially Western literature, as if that would have mattered to him. Then I made a bet that the names of gods had come up in his favorite reads, Calvin and Hobbes and the Far Side. Nope he said. He wouldn't have noticed, his mother chimed in, if he didn't know them. 17272
16-year-old Jessica Watson completes solo circumnavigation, flunks geometry
When 16-year-old Jessica Watson arrives in Sidney tomorrow, she will be the youngest person to sail around the globe alone. The precocious Aussie will be denied an official record however, for the same reason the Olympics enforce a minimum age for gymnasts, protecting suggestible minors from overzealous parents ostensibly. The snubbing might seem an unenforceable formality, but it turns out Jessica comes up short on another technicality, the same principle which holds that girth is measured at the waist. 16831
Norway ties USA for Olympic gold
Does it matter really in transnational games between warmonger countries? Nearly all Winter Olympic participants are NATO occupiers of Afghanistan. Though Norway was among several who condemned the Iraq invasion, its oil company is complicit in exploiting Iraq's oil. 15080
Suomi hockey team beats Slovenska for bronze at 2010 Jeux Olympiques
What does it say across the front of the Finnish hockey jersey "SUOMI?" Is that an acronym or an internet initialism? While it could be enthusiasm for Olympic mascot Sumi, Suomi is Finnish/Saami for what they call their country. Apparently the Finns didn't get the memo about bringing Olympic text into uniform English-compliance. 15048
Remember the horrendous scandal and the Media Blitz(es) That followed?
Mark Sanford, Governor of South Carolina... Used government money to finance Argentine Tryst. A full Seven Hours every day for a month analyzing the story and berating him.... woops didn't happen... Sorry. 14928
Johnny Damon the myth of sports news
Local news on TV gets a scant few minutes of coverage, where the story of the day vies with weather to edge out everything else that isn't fluff. In national news, interviewees can seldom get an answer in edgewise before they're rushed off for the commercial break. "That's all the time we have" ends every news story, yet the day's sports story is paraded before sport desk after sport center. I used to envy the attention Americans gave to sports, until I saw the scrutiny was illusory. For example, Johnny Damon's double stolen base in game four of the World Series. 11017
Federer finds sweet spot below the belt
Tennis Grand Slam tournaments are for fans of Lexus, Chase, Netjets and JP Morgan, apparently. JP Morgan executive Mary Callahan Erdoes was even on hand during a commercial break to "thank the fans." But at today's US Open, Roger Federer showed that Heineken drinkers aren't above circus hijinks. Federer scored the second to last point of the men's semifinal round with a swing between the legs. Note he is looking at neither the ball, nor the court, making not just a save, but placing a return beyond the reach his opponent. Physical intuition.
Lacrosse fought & equipped by warriors
Need another tipoff that the sport of lacrosse is early combat training? The leading equipment purveyor is Warrior Sports. 7965
Spain reaches French Open final after all
In the second game of the final match of the 2009 Roland Garros, a spectator leapt unto center court where he tried to drape Roger Federer in a flag. Television didn't want to dignify the antic with explicatory coverage, as if the interruption was another Basque ETA outburst. It turns out the red and blue standard wielded by the nimble interloper represented Football Club Barcelona. Streaking is dead, no place for a logo.
Borel & Mine That Bird moon horseracing
To watch the replay of Calvin Borel's ride at Churchill Downs is more captivating than it was live. Even anticipating the 50 to 1 upset, Mine That Bird's final stretch weave from last place to first looks like an athletic feat for Maradona. 7779
White Flight from football to assault rifle
Ryan dons the rest of his gear in the car. Pads, armor, helmet, even mouth guard. I adjust the rearview mirror downward until I see his small frame in the backseat. We're only halfway to practice and he's already biting down, breathing through his nose, focused straight ahead. It's the same routine for football, except today he's got a lacrosse stick across his knees. In his grip, I should say. When we pull the car to the edge of the parking lot, he jumps and literally hits the ground running. From my height he gives me the sense I'm a helicopter pilot who's dropped soldier reinforcements to join the team on the pitch. There's a steep hillock between Ryan and the field, but his charge never slows, he ascends like a Cavalry of One, his stick brandished like an assault rifle. 3478
Ask Alex Rodriguez how he does Tic Tacs
A-Rod held a press conference to explain his now admitted steroid use, a mistake he blamed on his youth, when he was 24-26. While the "Boli" which Rodriguez got through his cousin, over the counter in the Dominican Republic, remains a mystery. Rodriguez claimed he did not know it was a steroid. Asked why he kept the twice-a-month for-three-years injections a secret, he admitted he knew "We weren't taking Tic Tacs." The comparison might be a dismissive reference to the innocuous breath mint, but it implies a small pill taken orally, doesn't it? For your breath. Can you inject a Tic Tac? Maybe it's time to ask: what in professional sports circles is a "Tic Tac" injection?
Is there a sumo in your future?
I used to avert my imagination on the subject of Sumo Wrestling. Probably I still do, visualization wise. But the bigger than grotesque spectacle has suddenly fascinated me, as a historic predecessor of the wide world of sport of our future. 6452
God loses Super Bowl XVIII
(We should be able to express it here without causing offense--) Thank God Kurt Warner lost the Super Bowl, or we'd not be hearing the end of Warner's praises to his god for the victory. Odd-makers since before the statistics were kept have recorded that God has proved powerless against flood, famine, and every permutation of human misery. Now we can add the Pittsburgh Steelers to the formidable list.