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Fuck Cops Guy Eric Brandt deployed ACME Kop Katcher Kit but caught Denver’s SIT-LIE ordinance instead


DENVER, COLORADO- That’s right, DPD motorcycle gang members fell for Eric Brandt’s cop trap, hook line and donut, but as usual, that’s not what Eric was after. On this particular arrest date, Eric wanted to test Denver’s “Sit-Lie” ordinance and this week Eric had his day in court. The city pressed its case for two days but after only ten minutes of deliberation the jury found Eric innocent. He admitted to sitting down, to purposefully seeking arrest, but his lawyer drove home the import of repudiating unjust law. Denver’s ban on sitting or laying down in its Business Improvement District is a prohibition aimed squarely at the homeless. By a five out of six majority the jury vindicated Eric Brandt and refused to convict.

The first day was spent hearing the testimony of a 20-year veteran cop so clueless he thought protests required permits, so flaky he denied seeing Eric’s donut or the six by four foot box tilting above it. He was so smug he cropped the ACME Kop Katcher Kit out of his crime scene photo, and so dumb he reported verifying Brandt’s identity by his RTD disability pass yet failed to deduce Brandt was disabled. This poor officer was so simpleminded that Eric’s defense attorney risked being seen badgering him with a mere superiority of faculties.

As a result, the officer’s misconception about permits was not corrected. The audience knew his MO to be an unconstitutional, the jury got it, as might your average highschool civics student, so the cross examination ended without having to contradict the little officer of the law. But the cop left the stand as he came in, having spent sixteen years of his service on the motorcycle unit, policing marches downtown, following orders and harranging protesters because they don’t have permits. And he’s back on the beat right now.

Otherwise the outcome of Eric’s trial was a total victory. For jury nullification. For freedom of expression. For the affirmative defense that performance art trumps a municipality’s authority to enforce conformity and order. And for human rights. Everyone has a right to sit down whether or not a chair is provided or deprived for that purpose. Those of us with places to sit, like cars and houses and restaurant chairs, don’t need that protection, but the homeless do. No gentrifying business-first politician should be coaxing police to pretend it should be otherwise.

The DPD may still issue citations but the likelihood of conviction is now greatly diminished. A civil suit from Eric will now hasten Denver’s incentive to repeal the errant ordinance. Downtown Denver’s sit-lie law is about to sunset by natural cause, Eric Brandt, force of nature.

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