The author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma put together a list of eating rules for the New York Times. From 2,500 submissions made by his readers, Michael Pollan gleaned 20. If I lob cheap laughs off the top, like “Don’t eat egg salad from a vending machine” and other home-spun wisdoms which help NYT editors trivialize critiques of consumerism, I’m left with eight tips to spark constructive rethinking of our eating patterns. For starters: 1. If you are not hungry enough to eat an apple, then you’re not hungry.

2. You may not leave the table until you finish your fruit.

3. You don’t get fat on food you pray over.

4. Breakfast you should eat alone. Lunch you should share with a friend. Dinner, give to your enemy.

5. Never eat something that is pretending to be something else.

6. Don’t eat anything you aren’t willing to kill yourself.

7. Don’t yuck someone’s yum.

8. Eat until you are seven-tenths full and save the other three-tenths for hunger.