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No, Charlie ain’t getting paroled. Sheeeeesh.

So I saw this headline on The Globe, a fine newspaper with more journalistic standards than the C.S. Gazette but that doesn't say much. We're expected to get our knickers in a knot because, just like every third year for a while now, Charles Manson is going to have a parole hearing. So is Mark David Chapman, the man who shot John Lennon AND ... John Hinckley Jr. lone wolf gunman with ties to the Bush family. Hinckley, almost 31 years ago, was found not guilty by reason of insanity for four counts of Aggravated Assault. Didn't kill anybody. So he's in a Psychiatric Prison with no set release date ever. No sentence, they can keep him until his rotting corpse falls apart as far as the courts are concerned. Chapman and Manson ain't getting out either. Having a parole hearing doesn't mean you get parole, it's just a formality in many many cases. But makes for some spectacular fear-mongering, don't it? Manson was scheduled for a hearing at the time Geraldo Rivera aka Horrendo Revolver (from Cheech & Chong "Wedding Album" song "Black Lassie") interviewed him. Horrendo Revolver asked him this really Stoopit question "What does it feel like to kill a man?" (According to witnesses, Charlie never pulled the trigger on anybody) And Charlie gets all up in Horrendo's grill and wild eyed as only he can do (I can do a close approximation but, hey, Charlie is The Past Master at it) saying "You want me to kill YOU? I've got friends in New York who'll send me your head in a paper bag if I ask, you want me to kill you?" I was a guest of the County at the time and everybody in the day-room was shakin' his head and saying "Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.... You really don't WANT that parole, do you?" To nobody's surprise Charlie wasn't paroled. Nor were his co-defendants three of whom are Jailhouse Preachers who have successful prison ministries... from within their prison cells cause on account of They Ain't Ever Gettin' Out Either. Charles "Tex" Watson, for instance, author of a "How I Found God in Jail" chaplain book. Nice try on the fearmongering, though. It will accomplish its purpose, to get enough citizens frightened enough that they'll petition their Election Year representatives to crack down on anybody accused of any crime ever. Nothing like a good old fashioned crackdown to get the votes of Really Stupid People.

Speaking of books… Tim LaHaye.

Tim LaHaye. OK, so that says a LOT in just two words. I know what the Non-Christian opinion is, now for a Christian voice. The dude is selling a Study Bible with a fold out graphical timetable from the start of the tribulation to the Rapture to Armageddon, $49.99 on your credit card. The credit cards that many believe to be a form of The Mark of The Beast. Now, I've heard from somebody, oh, who was it, oh yeah, Solomon, hmmm... "Naked came I into this world, and naked shall I depart, I brought nothing in my hand, and shall take nothing away". "you can't take it with you" So, how does Mr LaHaye plan to transfer those funds to the Bank of Heaven? I'm pretty certain that his Visa is going to be rejected for insufficient funds. That and Visa will probably deny it anyway because they have a clause in the contract that you're not allowed to use your card once you're dead. And there's a list of allowed countries where they'll transfer funds, and I'm certain that Heaven isn't on the list. Once there's a Rapture, if we do get taken out before everything starts getting scary, then all his money would be left to whom, exactly? All The Believers Will Be GONE. Who is going to collect the unclaimed funds? Hmm... The Government, perhaps? The one that's to be headed by Beel-ze-bub in person? (they have to skip around in three separate books of the Bible to piece together the Rapture anyhow, it's not in the Revelation.) If there's no Easy-Way-Out Free pass and we all have to face the tribulation full on, then any money we gave to Mr LaHaye is like, Gonzo, dude. And for the exact same reason. One thing definitely going to be Left Behind is my money. And it's more than the Left Behind series, and a King James Bible that costs less than 5 bucks to print up (I know because there's a bunch of them on the market for $5) and no need to pay royalties for the contents either. He's got a bunch of books and the starting price seems to be $24.99. That means 20 of them would set me back a half grand. There's not much chance Rich Folks are the intended audience. So who does that leave (behind) to fork over the bread? Speaking as a Poor Person or at least Not Leisure Class person, I can confidently state that a half grand is not pocket change for quite a huge percentage of the intended audience. If he was pushing them onto people who DO consider a short stack of Benjamins to be Pocket Change then he's leaving behind substantially more than 80% of the people of the world. There's a recognized sin in every church called Simony. Named for a person in the Book of the Acts of the Apostles named Simon Magus, and is the buying and selling of the Holy Ghost or trying to. Perhaps Mr LaHaye

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