Failed athletes in the military

Athlete dyingMuch was made of Uday’s wrath when athletes on the Iraqi soccer team would return untriumphant. If a player made a gaffe, Saddam’s evil son Uday would send him off to the front. The Iran-Iraq Front at that time.
Americans are familiar with the lingo. It was a running joke on Hogan’s Heroes and became a timeless adage. Displease Der Fuhrer, you’re sent to the Russian Front.

Well now, where do suppose members of America’s military sports teams go if they fail to deliver the goods? If you are cut from the Army football team, or baseball team, or volleyball team, or basketball team, or any of the four branches of our military’s athletic self-promotion programs? Where are our soldiers sent if they are not playing for the home team?

We even send members of the military bands there. Our Eastern Front.

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Eric Verlo

About Eric Verlo

On sabbatical
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4 Responses to Failed athletes in the military

  1. Avatar MARIE says:

    Well, I guess they shouldn’t go into the armed services if all they want to do is play FOOTBALL, now should they? It’s an affront to GI Joe and Jane as they head off bravely to war while Mr. ThisWasTheOnlyPlaceICouldPlayAndIDon’t ReallyGiveAShitAboutTheMilitary sits at home eating steak to build muscle mass and being pampered by coaches and trainers…havin’ a couple of brewdogs after the game to celebrate the “victory.”

    I say if they miss a field goal…into the foxhole! Throw an interception…instant dogfight with a Russian MIG! Offsides…parachute into enemy territory to tend to wounded comrades!

    I’ve always wondered how Fisher DeBerry’s guys can even hang with the big boys. Now I think I’ve figured it out. Fisher’s been gettin’ some seriously good advice from Uday…Allah rest his soul.

    Of course, this is all complete nonsense because the college boys are never sent to the front lines. They have to graduate, throw their hats in the air, be congratulated by Donald Rumsfeld. Then, and only then, do they have to figure out how to avoid military service.

  2. Avatar Eric says:

    Shit. I hate it when I write complete nonsense.

  3. Avatar Marie says:

    We’re one of the only countries in the world whose National/Olympic teams aren’t supported by the federal government. . .we don’t take kids away from parents at the age of 10 and send them to camps to train so that they can make our country proud several years hence. Our Olympic athletes are regular joes, usually with rich parents, who have the freedom to do whatever they’d like. Different sports are governed by NGBs, National Governing Bodies, who raise funds and get sponsors and put together teams.

    That’s why I say what I wrote was utter nonsense. I wasn’t comparing like to like. Our military colleges were the closest I could come…and I do have a bit of bitterness about the whole thing.

    What a bunch of shit to have the different branches of the armed services “competing” with complete non-military sorts and bringing out the planes and choppers and the slutty ICan’tWaitToMarryAnOfficer cheerleaders. While the rest of the schmos are there to learn and train and prepare to serve their country. It is a load of shit and I do think they should all be sent to the front lines.

  4. Hah! One of the reasons the Air Force recommended I be taken out of my course of training (As A Hospital Orderly!!!) was that I had never played organized sports, thus didn’t have the necessary “Team Spirit”.

    Meanwhile, back at the Dorm. .. (the Air Force doesn’t have a Mess Hall, you see, the Navy and Marines and Army MESS in their halls but the Air Force has a Dining Hall… and Dorms instead of Barracks. all very collegiate)

    I had this one 2nd Lieutenant who was a pure and simple Dick.

    There’s no polite way to put it so I won’t even bother, he was a dick.
    He also flashed an AF Academy class ring from like a 2 years earlier, but even after 2 years active duty he was still at the lowest officer rank.

    This speaks volumes about his skills. But he got into the Academy because he was a Star Running Back in whatever the hell Podunk High School he attended. And to hear him tell it, a star running back at the AFA as well.

    On such occasions that one would be called into his office, one would see a lot of pictures of him in Uniform…. a Football Uniform.

    I don’t even remember his name, I refer to him as Lieutenant Dick.

    And I thought to myself (as I so often do) “Self, this prick has been appointed to make life or death decisions over REAL men simply because he was good at a kids game”.

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