Betty White’s muffin on the boob tube

Which came first: the Snickers ad, the Facebook group, or SNL’s crowdsourced mandate to fete American sitcom icon Betty White? American as Apple Pie
To me this blonde’s netroots smack of a publicist’s hand, and White’s performance Saturday night all but validated SNL’s reluctance until now to spotlight the octogenarian’s one note routine. The SNL tribute could laud only her age, raising the specter that a proverbial domestic bread might have been named for her.

Betty White was a broadcast fixture, not a luminary. On the plus side, she hasn’t stooped to pitching life insurance on infomercials, although I suspect her screen persona lacked the gravitas. It does look like the Snickers “Divas” campaign wants to boost White’s brand recognition up to the visibility of its other stage and screen legends.

Of course Betty’s first name predates namesake archetypes of American comedy, but it’s no indication of her contribution. When a McGruber sketch had the title comic break character to wend an impassioned I Love You to grandmother White, I was horrified to predict that the actress’s persona had no stretch to stray from her signature negativity.

White may have begun her career in the age of the Honeymooners, but her caricatures belong squarely to the American sitcom as it devolved into cynicism. The high notes of Mary Tyler Moore and Golden Girls were achieved in spite of muddy cutouts like Betty White. The social relevance of every sitcom that followed was twilighted in my opinion by Oliver Stone’s brilliant parody of American television in Natural Born Killers.

Seeing Betty White on SNL reminded me of attending a celebration of another show business icon Shirley Jones. Both larger than life, both admirably spry, and both masters of well-honed chops, but we’re talking pork chops, with no more hue than the rosy cheeks of Paula Dean. Luminescent as they come, Jones could emote with a twinkle, but that didn’t make her Lena Horne. I know, apple pie is not an art medium.

Betty White can play the ditz or calculating shrew. Where else was SNL going to go with her but convalescent home vamp? I’m not sure the jokes made at the expense of her muffin weren’t clammier than Alec Baldwin’s Schweddy Balls. Hohoho, the ultimate promise of the boob tube.

Like surviving veterans of the wars quickly receding in our memories, White deserves honors rekindled with every new generation. Like the soldiers’ contributions, I’d say her deeds in particular were forgettable. We don’t ask our aging vets to reenact their killings. Bad jokes are worse than reenacted, they’re swung around afresh.

Leave Betty White to shill for candy bars, she’s part of America’s cultural pantheon and deservedly so. Laugh track optional.

Those Mexican Swine

Paula Dean spokeswomanThey’re blaming the Mexicans, or pigs, but the wrong pigs. Pork industry spokespeople are trying to take the focus off the large factory hog farms operated by Smithfield Foods in the vicinity of La Gloria, MX, where the outbreak started. Smithfield is the largest supplier of US pork.

BTW You can track H1N1 Swine Flu developments via Veratect on Twitter. Keep in mind Veratect is a government intelligence corporation.

“According to state agents of the Mexican social security institute, the vector of this outbreak are the clouds of flies that come out of the hog barns, and the waste lagoons into which the Mexican-US company spews tons of excrement” -La Jornada, Mexico City.

Swine Flu is no communicable via the consumption of pork. In fact, according to Smithfield, no hogs have been diagnosed with the disease. Although we have only their word on that. The hogs may be asymptomatic. But the pork industry, and I’m guessing the major players, primarily Smithfield, are too big to fail, and are doing what they can to have broadcasters and public officials come up with another name for Swine Flu.

But I’m not sure we shouldn’t be scrutinizing the swine from the vicinity of a Swine Flu outbreak. It’s not the Poor Hapless Mexican Flu for example. Does Smithfield think its swine do not stink?

You can’t get Swine Flu by eating pork, but you can chose not to consume the products which keep the industrial “confined animal feeding operations” (CAFOs) in business. In this particular case, Smithfield Foods subsidiary Granjas Carroll in Veracuz, Mexico. Smithfield is “the leading processor and marketer of fresh pork and packaged meats in the United States, as well as the largest producer of hogs,” and has issued a formal denial of any Swine Flu link to its facilities.

If you are inclined to pass, for now, on Smithfield pork products, the domestic brands are John Morrell & Co., Armour-Eckrich Meats (Armour, Eckrich, LunchMakers, Healthy Ones, Margherita, Mayrose, Schickhaus, Corando), Curly’s Foods, Patrick Cudahy (Riojano/El Nino), Farmland Foods, Cook’s Ham, North Side Foods Corp., Stefano Foods, and Smithfield RMH Foods.

Less easy to see are Smithfield’s supply lines to restaurants. Smithfield provides the ham products to McDonalds and Subway.

The Big-Agra corporations involved are The Smithfield Packing Company, Cumberland Gap Provision Co., and Smithfield Specialty Foods Group, represented by porcine spokeswoman Paula Dean.

Maybe Ms. Dean wants to take her Porky Pig empathy embodiment act a step further, to lead a sun-less existence of a factory farm inmate.