Questions to St Peter

Sometime in October search engines found Ask Saint Peter .com. This was an experimental A. I. project scheduled to address what people were doing with their lives. It’s online but yet inoperable. The splash page features the picture of a young Iraqi child recovering in a US field hospital emergency room. He looks hauntingly at the camera. Text hidden below the picture quotes the Gospel about a camel having an easier time squeezing through the eye of a needle than a rich man getting into heaven. Clicking anywhere on the page addresses an email to St. Peter and an increasing number of people have begun to write.

Somehow these web surfers expect 1) that St. Peter is all knowing, and 2) that he can divine the future. Their questions range from trying to test him, to asking things they do not know, to asking about their fate, to making confessions. Here are some of their emails: (all last names have been abbreviated).

pweezy: so am i going to hell
andres: hey soy andres kiero saver k camisa tengo
shereen: What types of questions can I ask here?
Alle: What is josh c. doing right now?
dudy: how old am i?
Elizabeth: What color of shirt I’m I wearing today?
kyle: am i going to loose my job
kyle: how many girls have i had sex with?
rhonda m: i want to know if my marriage is going to end?
Katherine: Saint Peter, AM I going to go out with christian?
Vic: I’m not sure what to ask because I have so many questions? Will we my partener and i have a sucessful life? Will I be a good mother and wife? Why do i feel so hopeless? What about financial stability? Why do people lie?
Stacie: whos this
alicia: how many people are in my apartment? will me and my girlfriend be together for much longer? how much longer will we be together?
steve A: will I make it to the league?
jocelyn: if youre not ready to be a christian because your having too much fun being a lose christian, does god pretty much hate you ?
whitney c: Father peter am i going to hell
kyle: what color sweater is jordan wearing?
sydney: I have a question to ask, can u help me?
Andrew: will i go to hill?
lily m: is jose going to hell????
mike: whats this
danny: am i going to hell or heaven
jordon m: am i going to hell if so please email me
jamie: Who is with me? Peter will you answer my questions?: who is with me? please answer. Peter will you answer my question: where am I right now? when will i die? tell me now please
Justin: Why is your picture so scary?
brandon u: am i goin to hell
briana: who am i on the phone with right now?
caroline g: Do what?
tony: what am i doing
Ana: am i going to hell?
ed: Will I go to hell?
(lucas as) jonny: wats my name
jessica: Am i going to hell
brenda: HOW DOES THIS WORK?
chrissy: what is my best friends name?
curtis: what am i doing tommorrow?
julia M: What is my best friends name?
(julia as) giovanni: what’s my friends name?
julia M: Hi i want to know if you know things about me. I want to ask you questions that only i would know. Who is my best friend? Who is next to me? Which neighbor am i with write now? What neighbor is at my house right now? Where do I live?
junior mafia: is this real?
Jordan: Is my fiancee going to move back to Florida?
Alba: im i going to hell?
(blank): Who am i talkinh to and what is their number
Julia (again): Who am i next to? When am i going to die?
roshawna: what color shirt am u wearing?
mb: are you there?
Michael: are you there?
Ruby: Am I going to go to hell? I am a practicing lesbian. I also, however, attend my local church every Sunday. I have talked to my fellow Christian about this and they suggested trying to settle down with a nice man. I tried but couldn’t seem to bring myself to even kiss him.
Another confession of mine is that I’ve dabbled in Astratu. It is a new revivement of norse paganism. I find it deeply interesting.
Sometimes I aim for rabbits on the road if I see them. My vision goes red within this time. I find it highly disturbing.
Finally… My darkest truth is that I once ran over a man at 90 mph and was too scared to stop and help him. I have never shared this horror with anyone.
Please give me guidance as to my destiny after death. Will Satan be in control of my soul? Will I suffer eternal torture as the Holy Bible says?

10 thoughts on “Questions to St Peter

  1. Brother JonahBrother Jonah

    Does God speak to me through my computer?

    Why does He only talk to others through their radios?

    This is of course Blasphemous to anybody of any faith.

    Even people of no faith.

    What are those freak peckerheads thinking now?

  2. Brother JonahBrother Jonah

    Some of the questions a Catholic would find blasphemous.

    The entire concept is how can I say this, are these people making money off God or are they merely making mockery OF God?

    or both….

    I suppose it isn’t much different from buying an astrological forecast.

    Or the FBI paying psychics to help in their investigations, even though not one of the “certified psychics” has come up with a location for Osama Bin Laden nor did any of them have a certified vision of 911 BEFORE it happened.

  3. AvatarThe 13th

    Holy Totem Pole, Batman. Another Saint Peter Pan. Ok, I’m feeling game…

    So another website claims to be Dear Abby for God. Nice. Least that one is not asking for money (yet). Probably happens in the email reply if it does.

    I disagree that asking questions is a sign of lacking faith. I even will allow people to pray to their toasters if they sincerely believe that it will help with their personal appliance.

    Actions on the other hand… well… drink your Kool-Aid Mr. Jones. Dylan-gently.

    What is the correlation of the words “ally” and “alien”. I’m sensitive to both. One was used to describe why I should write here. The other is the reason I do. (Readers can guess my wait. “Friend” has less derivations of dual purpose, but this ain’t Sergeant Pepper’s…)

    I think the Sainty-Dainty site is simply a subversive effort at “proving” the “lost state” of the world today. If you’ve broad mind, you can extrapolate this site (NMT) to be similar except most pray for better politicians within these cuneiformed loops.

    I wouldn’t take it seriously. As for offending Catholics, well, I think an innocent war victim IS more Saint than Joan’s voices of war (albeit I admire her faith like Shaw did). Wrongful Death of Faith is one of the mandates of Sainthood is it not?

    Once again, I’ll state: for every sheered off aspect of Christianity theory I’m sure I could produce an equivalent cult of belief/disbelief involving aliens, the Beatles, Second Life Terrorists (too funny!), and yer mama.

    More corporate reform. Less discorporate fears. We’ve seen the walking dead already. Tony (a contributor here) will gladly tell you that they can even drive cars!

    Totem.
    Home.
    In shopping bags.
    New credit card
    Makes religion for
    Adam’s
    Number insecurity.

  4. Avatarjonah

    Of course, the wounded and frightened child speaks, silently, more loudly than all the questions popped up on the E-mail to the Great Beyond.

    I saw the link from this page, a few weeks ago. I thought it was a GI who was badly hurt. Hard to tell the difference. A wounded and maybe dying, but definitely frightened kid, doesn’t make much difference what the exact age or the exact country of origin.

    Following the assumption that it was a GI was one of awe, because, like, the Bushiites consider it treason to show pictures of flag draped coffins, or pictures of a GI being killed. Or to show the suffering of wounded, soldiers or civilians, unless it’s like our opponent who shows up at major peace rallies displaying his severe lack of leg.

    And says how proud he is to have given his leg for Our Troops, and every one of the Troops killed was Proud to have been sacrificed.

    like he seriously talked to every one of them.

    But that one image would be worth all the E-mails.

  5. Avatarjonah

    Now, here I can presume to speak for St Pete…

    How many siblings do you have? Everybody.

    All of us.

    Peace up my brethren. And Sistren. Not that Sistren is a word but it sounds so Kewl.

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