The pedophile priest theme has been set in stone. A catholic school in Australia commissioned a statue of St Martin de Porres offering a penis sandwich to a child who stands no taller than most convenient. The child’s hands are cupped as if receiving communion. Is the granite statue historically inaccurate? Probably its likeness is timeless. I’m thinking of the resignation to mechanical carnality and the stone cold gaze. De Porres was a Dominican brother in 16th Century Lima, Peru. No doubt the ritual depicted here reflects “Martin the Compassionate” at his least menacing. When he wasn’t molesting children, De Porres was administrating the enslavement of South America’s indigenous people for Spain’s colonial silver mines.

When repulsed parents lambasted the newly installed statue at the Blackfriars Priory School in Adelaide, the priests agreed to cover it up. They conceded that the placement of the loaf of bread -in hand- was “suggestive” of a less palatable offering. While indeed the pose could be said to suggest misconduct, the adjective was paired with another term which only a pederast would be clueless enough to offer: “riské!” Yes, Father, do cover the statue if you suspect your fellow friars will find the little scene titillating. So that’s the Catholic church on pedophilia: it’s set in stone, and kept under wraps.