Now the US Coast Guard will know you know how oil cleanup is f-cking done

Diagram from Fucking Proper Fucking Booming videoAs icky sneaky toxic crude permeates Louisiana marches, now experts tell us the eco-stain won’t ever come out. No really. The oil assault has been mounting steadily, BP poised dutifully with “booms” and it isn’t working. Exasperated oil spill cleanup professionals are not a bit surprised, one has even released a video throwing down expletives as much for humor as heartbreak. Accusations go beyond BP, calling the US Coast Guard head a “shameless piece of shit, and so’s President Obama if he can’t see that.” –But brightly, it’s all in the delivery.

About the looming oil invasion.

We can’t see the oil, but we can see the bright orange boom ringing our coastlines in apparent preparedness against the oil. When you watch the video you’ll learn that the boom is colored bright orange for you to see it, for the media cameras to allay our concerns that the prophylactic is in place. But from this video you’ll see that the boom is being deployed like a movie set facade, with little hope of effectiveness.

The key is in the “catch bassins.” Boom isn’t just Maxi-pad we stick into the water like a quicker-picker-upper. It’s meant to corral the oil into catch bassins. Absent those receptacles the oil is left for waves to push it up and over like trench warriors going over the top, wave after wave, to hit the beach, “all of it.”

You’ll note the major concern about oil spills is landfall, and it should be. Oil floats and thus isn’t as much a disaster on the surface until it hits populous surfaces. Of course, BP’s use of chemical dispersants breaks up the oil while it’s in the water, rendering the underwater a deadly war zone too.

The dispersant of choice has long been banned in the UK for its toxicity. COREXIT is named not after a chemical compound but as a phonetic abbreviation for what it does, Corexit “corrects-it” haha. It’s a cuncoxen applied to cover up the visible horror of a spill. HIDEZIT is apparently its nickname, acknowledging the darker humor.

Watch this video and you’ll know how boom technology works and you’ll understand what we need to ask of BP and government oversight.

The schoolroom-like lecture is delivered by an anonymous professional with straightforward simplicity and humor, but with palpable emotion. You hear the break in her voice especially as the oil industry is taken to task for its utter disregard for what’s happened.

There’s not enough boom, rope or anchor on this planet to properly boom the north coast of the Gulf of Mexico. There should be. It’s not that much of an expense. Really it’s not.

They said they were ready. Having enough materials to perform fucking proper fucking booming is part of being ready. They’re not ready, are they?”

This message could be subversive reassurance that oil spills can be contained, and thus, offshore drilling needn’t be restrained, but let’s burn that PR slick when we come to it.

I’m also a little wary when the preface mentions the misrepresentation of the magnitude of the blowout but pegs the flow at “up to 50,000 barrels.” Experts who’ve all along predicted it was 100,000 quantify that with “at minimum.”

OR, the video is a self-serving appeal from a booming-trainer for more funding to teach more boomers. Well that would be money better spent.

Here’s your chance to be trained in how to deploy oil spill booms without being sworn to silence by BP. If you’re anywhere near the coast, get out there.

This very funny piece is labeled Booming School 101. A better title might be “Fucking proper fucking booming” or subtitled, oil spill cleanup done fucking right.

4 thoughts on “Now the US Coast Guard will know you know how oil cleanup is f-cking done

  1. AvatarBrother Jonah

    wonder when they’re going to start blaming it on the dead employees.
    Do a skate-job like Exxon did with their little ol’ capsized canoe.

    “Our captain was drunk, he’s going to prison forever, won’t have any chance of making money EVER, but it’s his fault, we’re not liable, sue HIM!”

    Point out that suing him would be futile, a Pyrrhic Victory, “Yay for us, we won a 100 billion dollar lawsuit against somebody who could pawn everything he has, throw in his soul and still not have a hundred THOUSAND to pay” And Exxon would point out, (as they DID) “What, you can’t actually Collect from the guy? Oh well, too bad so sad… sucks to be you doesn’t it”

  2. Brother JonahBrother Jonah

    It’s hard to look upon, actually.

    In even less entertaining news, BP is insisting that they’re the only ones with enough experience and expertise at those depths, so the task of damage control should be left to them. Kind of pats the whole damn human race on our collective head and tells us to go and play, not worry our silly heads, and let the Growed-ups take care of things.

    Yeah. Some “expertise” there, pardners.

  3. AvatarPilarerecto

    I keep wondering when the fearless tribe at Not My Tribe will begin to call for the impeachment of Obomber and his Colorado ass side kick, Ken Salazar? Yeah, I know. Eric has his mind totally occupied (an occupied territory if you don’t mind me mentioning it?) on Gaza and the Jews, West Bank and the Jews, and the JEWS!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!! ..and you, Jonah, well you, too have other things on your mind, too. I know, I know you do…

    But shall we say that perhaps, just like the Democrats let the Republicans off the hook by not calling for Dubya’s impeachment on how they totally messed up all the Katrina response and put NO partially into the sea for good, the Republicans are now (with the help of the mighty mouse NMT website!) returning the favor and letting the Obomber crowd off the hook? Well isn’t that true? I mean this is a bit tar.dy at this point.

    Quick, rush the Republlcans an intern to plant down below near Obama’s desk! That’s the only way they know how to move into action with Impeachment on the Mind! NMT though, is a lot harder to get them to jump and make The Call. So here is my proposal to get that to happen…

    Let’s us march into Little Richard’s coffee sip house for liberals, and ask that Owner Little Richard initiate this call for Obomber’s and Salazar’s impeachment on site for Eric! Eric, John Weiss, and Richard Skorman, with the help of the Genie D of PPJPC, can then begin to get this pr management team for BP (Obama and the DP) out of the way, and perhaps save the entire Gulf of Mexico, the Atlantic Coast, and the entire country, in fact?

    We could start this national Movement right here with those who best know Cowboy Ken! … the eco crowd of The Springs! Why not even invite the tea party crowd, too? We can begin the National Patriotic United Front, right here from our offices off Acacia Park and just North of it! Eric can be in charge!

    So how ’bout it, Eric? Let it be done!

    Just an action proposal for NMT, Jonah? What do you think about it?

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