You and I fight traffic tickets, Phil Spector fights charges that he put a gun to a woman’s mouth and pulled the trigger, he fights for years. Everyone fights against the long arm of the law, except Bernie Madoff. Does that make sense to you?

The biggest economic fraud ever perpetrated by one man, and that man pleads guilty. Hmmm.

We are told that as a consequence, Madoff doesn’t have to tell anyone where he buried the treasure. Meanwhile his accomplices are being charged and are proclaiming themselves innocent.

Okay, I didn’t know that not plea-bargaining means not having to say you’re sorry, or divulge where you took the loot. I didn’t know that when Kenneth Lay died, it meant that because his appeal could then never be exhausted, his wife and family got to keep the money. An appetizing pattern emerges…

Can you imagine a parade of white-collar-criminal bunkmates sidling up to Madoff in prison, hoping to learn the whereabouts of his vanished bullions (who saw that pun coming)? Nor can I. Michael Milken –now a financier and philanthropist–had plenty of business suitors waiting to hire his larcenous consultation when he was released. Paper crimes don’t garner severe prison sentences. Whether Madoff has a felony on his record or not can hardly hinder his future prospects.

Madoff has a very good reason to plead guilty. It’s a bit like the Kenneth Lay play-possum legal strategy. Let’s remember Bernie Madoff couldn’t even afflict himself with jail. He remained out on bail in his luxury penthouse, until his day in court. Since then where has he been? Have YOU seen him? Are you sure he’s where authorities say he is?

I’m convinced that Bernie has a plan to stay out of the penal system. And it doesn’t involve a jury verdict.

I’d guess with just a fraction of his loot, he can pay off the very few administrators involved to handle the paperwork to incarcerate someone in his place. No visitors, no outsiders to know. It won’t be Bernie doing the time, it’ll be a stand in. Maybe as simple as a real inmate, written off as released, but reissued Bernie’s ID. No cosmetic surgery necessary, what’s the probability that prison guards know what Bernie Madoff looks like anyway.

If Bernie had to go back and forth to court, he’d have to do be there himself. Being seen by too many people.

In prison, rather, not in prison, Madoff can live the rest of his years on a private estate, miles from onlookers, his fence-line probably abutting Kenneth Lay’s.