Tag Archives: Cable Companies

Everything’s up to date in Kansas City

Yep– They’ve gone about as far as they can go. Broadway’s otherwise obsolete lyrics about civilization’s western edge might be true again! Kansas City will now have 1-Gig/second internet access. One hundred times faster than yours. It’s a new project of Google’s, called Google Fiber, to set a new benchmark for ISPs. Your local cable monopoly has no incentive to offer you that level of service, except now it’s going to be hard to pretend they can’t, or pretend they need to cap your current use.

Did Google pick Kansas City because the ad campaign had a ready made ditty? “Everything’s up to date in Kansas City” works. Set in turn-of-the-last-century, the musical Oklahoma was abuzz about gas buggies going by their-selves, telephones, indoor outhouses and skyscrapers seven stories high, “about as high as a building ought to grow.” By the third verse, the technical fascination with modernity becomes distracted by the promiscuous, the visitor from Kansas City having seen a strip show, internet-like.

I got to Kansas City on a Frid’y
By Sattidy I larned a thing or two
‘Coz up to then I didn’t have an idy
Of whut the modren world was comin’ to!

Ev’rythin’s like a dream in Kansas City,
It’s better than a magic lantern show!

They got a big theayter they call a burleeque.
Fer fifty cents you c’n see a dandy show.

———
For the curious, here are the full lyrics to Oklahoma’s “Kansas City”

Will:
I got to Kansas City on a Frid’y
By Sattidy I larned a thing or two
‘Coz up to then I didn’t have an idy
Of whut the modren world was comin’ to!
I counted twenty gas buggies goin’ by theirsel’s
Almost ev’ry time I tuk a walk.
‘Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange womern started in to talk!

Man 1: To you?

Man 2: Whut next!

Men: Yeah whut!

Will: Whut next? Gather ’round!

Ev’rythin’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!
They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high,
About as high as a buildin’ orta grow.
Ev’rythin’s like a dream in Kansas City,
It’s better than a magic lantern show!
Y’ c’n turn the radiator on
Whenever you want some heat.
With ev’ry kind o’ comfort
Ev’ry house is all complete.
You c’n walk to privies in the rain
And never wet your feet!
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go,

Men: Yes sir!
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!

Will:
Ev’rythin’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!
They got a big theayter they call a burleeque.
Fer fifty cents you c’n see a dandy show.

Man 1: Gals?

Will:
One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty,
As round above as she was round below.
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel,
But latter in the second act
When she began to peel
She proved that ev’rythin’ she had was absolutely real!
She went about as fur as she could go,

Men: Yes sir!
She went about as fur as she could go!