Tag Archives: Hyperbole

Yeee-Haww! Gun Totin’ Elmer Fudd students to plan next Columbine at CU

Of course, they don’t want to actually shoot PEOPLE, mind you, just the faceless (to them) threats like Liberals, Blacks, “meskins” Indians, Ay-Rabs, and anybody smarter than themselves. –Dudes, I’ll put this to you bluntly… carrying a Gun is not going to turn you into a Bad-ass. Rambo was a movie. A work of Fiction. John Wayne was an Actor and to the best of anybody’s knowledge never shot anybody. Every single one of his movies, including the “historical dramas” was a work of Fiction. I know, he didn’t star in Rambo, but the same logic applies to Sylvester Stallone. Your fears about whichever of Your Fellow Americans you intend to shoot or try to intimidate into submission with your Big Bad Gun won’t go away, and neither will the people you think will be intimidated by Your Big Bad Gun.

Add in the FACT that if you fire into a crowd, such as the SU building, your classroom, the drunken frat-rat party you’re attending (and you attempt to impress your fellow Big Little Boys with your gun) the odds are much greater that you’ll kill or maim people who you didn’t want to kill or maim, rather than the Liberals, Blacks, Hispanics, Ay-Rabs, Indians, gays, or Real Bad-asses of whom you are so very afraid.

Some of you actually got into college on Merit, meaning you know a little bit about Mathematics. Math is very important to such studies as Physics, including the Newtonian Laws governing the study of Ballistics. For those of you who didn’t actually study to get into college, that’s the study of the behavior of projectiles, applies to everything from a slingshot to a Nuclear Armed Intercontinental BALLISTIC Missile, but the most common usage is for firearms. Because firearms are so cheap, easy to purchase, and just any person regardless of (lack of) intelligence can purchase or steal one, it takes ZERO amount of courage, smarts or Toughness in any form to carry one, to load one or to fire one. One element of ballistics is that the rapidly travelling (around the speed of sound for just about any pistol or revolver, and there is a distinction between the two) will be travelling about 100 to 200 feet per second slower after it goes through the person you intended to shoot, assuming that you hit your target. Most shots fired even by trained individuals don’t actually strike their intended targets.
As hideous as the body count for either of the World Wars was, it’s dwarfed by the number of shots fired.

So you have a far greater “shot” at killing people you didn’t intend to shoot.

But the truly Delusional method of getting really Stupid People to stock up on guns is to convince them that the Gun will, in (lack of supporting) fact, make them less cowardly than they actually are.

So they sell a whole bunch of Guns to emotionally crippled In-DUH-viduals who believe that kind of crap. And, trust me, or don’t trust me, it won’t make any difference to the Truth, somebody who is stupid enough to believe that Gun will make him less of a coward is a danger… to himself, his family, and his Friends first and foremost.

There are far more murders committed by people using guns than there are instances of people defending themselves with a gun, successfully OR unsuccessfully, and beyond that even more accidental shootings of friends or family than both combined.

So we move to another “round” of Mathematics, Statistical Analysis. Every month or so somebody “beats the odds” and wins the Lottery. The Lottery beats everybody else millions of times over EVERY time. When it comes to bucking the odds, the House always wins. It’s why people who own casinos die rich, and people who take their chances at the casinos die poor, even if they “beat the odds” a few times.

Applying the same math to Guns, you’ll lose a lot more than you’ll win. And, with a gun, you lose only once and be de be de be de Th th th that’s all, Folks!

You won’t have a second chance. Your friend or your mom or your brother or your kid or your neighbors kid or YOU personally will be laying there dead. The myth that you won’t have as high a chance of being a victim of crime is just that, a Myth, the Fact that you’ll make yourself more likely to be a crime or accident victim, well, it’s a FACT.

To the tune of 21000 that’s twenty one THOUSAND handguns stolen and well over a MILLION shotguns, carbines and rifles. A year.
even for a Decade, that would FAR more than the number of successful uses of a gun to defend oneself, even counting Police killing a suspect as “defense”.

If you’re serious about buying a gun, you can get the Quality Stuff for really cheap prices at your local Crack House. Because dope dealers trade stash for guns as quickly as they do for cash. If people who are crazed by crack or meth or smack or what-the-Hell-other drug of choice in which they indulge, can steal that many guns from that many “badass” gun owners, you KNOW that the advertising, and hyperbole, from Gun Advocates about how it will make you safer and less of a coward wimp, must be false. A LIE. So, how do you want to make your decision, based on which set of data? The data which are obviously wrong and compiled to fool you into buying the firearms, or the REAL data?

The Media, incidentally, provide three or four “successful use of firearms in home defense” stories a week. For those of you who got into college without learning simple arithmetic, that’s fewer than 300 a year. And the American Entertainment and News Media are so close to universally owned by Right Wing Corporate Fanatics that you might as well say “all” (despite the constant whining about “liberal” media bias, which you hear about WHERE, exactly? Oh, yeah, that’s right, In The Media)

Those “successful home defense” incidents get far more exposure in the “liberal” Media than the gun crimes.

The odds are in favor of the House, remember. Maybe the people of Earth in general and Colorado in particular will get really damned lucky and the only person the shooter deletes from the Biosphere is himself.