Tag Archives: Advertising

Oops. McDonalds shill Ryan Lochte says he ate sponsor’s food in Beijing, won fewer medals.

Literally, Ryan Lochte scored his piece of silver at the 2012 London Games for endorsing McDonalds’ unolympian crap-food. But in London Lochte waited until after his competitive events to “go to McDonalds”. His fellow shill Michael Phelps added a vicarious, thus safer, third person endorsement, as one might exclaim “He’s going to Disneyland”. At the 2008 games in Beijing, Lochte purports to have eaten the official sponsor’s crap “for breakfast, lunch and dinner over 10 days” but came away with one less medal. Lochte didn’t see SUPERSIZE ME to know his fast food mythology has already been debunked.

Opiates: still the Religion of the People

As <wiki>Huxley</wiki> paraphrased Marx in Brave New World Revisited: Once upon a midnight bored out of my freakin’ skull and pondering the imponderable, as oftimes I do, comes The Commercial for a “Happy Pill”, refreshing in its brutal honesty.  WellTabs, Hey, they put a lot of thought into that name.
 
Are you sad, anxious, tired, restless, beat-up, beat-down, ragged, dragged or just plain not feeling good?  Take Our Dope!!  All natural!!  or “some of the ingredients are all natural”

Big Pharma usually has the trippiest commercials, pipe people for a pee-pee problem, a grey bathrobe following you around for an antidepressant, wonder catheters that make you happy, diabetic finger-stick-readers all smiles…  (and a butterfly design)

A list of probable ways the crap will kill you that would scare you silly if you weren’t taking dope to turn your brain off.  (My favorite was a diet pill where the second-to-last side effect mentioned was “uncontrollable anal leakage”)

Sometimes I think the ad producers get paid in merchandise.  They promise, in short, Soma.  That’s what Huxley called it in Brave New World.  There’s actually a narcotic sleeping pill with that name.  Damn shame that Big Business got it declared Porn.  Gotta keep the Masses shivering in fear of Socialists so The Masses don’t notice it’ the Capitalists screwing us.  “Animal Farm” (written by a Socialist” – Good.  “Brave New World” – Baaaaad.

They have the same group of Majority Shareholder (face it , kids, when the 18 political wankers tell you they care about Grandma’s pension they’re simply Lying, the one thing they do best, followed by shirking military service and Real Work, about which the LIE when confronted) yea, veriy, brethren and sistren, the Same jerkoffs who own the businesses which sell us the most gas guzzling cars, the gas itself, McGreaseburgers and Diet Plans, Alcohol and Anabuse, sleeping pills and the so-called “Puritan” work ethic that sleep is evil and we should take stimulants to work harder (Boxer’s Last Words as related by Squealer) Smog and asthma/COPD meds, stress that makes you impotent (and stops your heart) and Viagra, Cialis and Smiling bob’s Magic Penis Pills (which also stops your heart)

… and Uncontrollable Anal Leakage. 

Don;t worry, though they sell Adult Diapers too…

The sell us Sugar in quantities and forms never intended by God or Nature or both, then sell us diabetic supplies shipped direct to your door.

There was another commercial right after the Happy Pill one pictures in black & wAhem… A knife sharpener.  $ 19.95.  Damn it, I know people who can’t write their own names, but know better than using an unsharpened knife.  They also know how to sharpen knives.

Which once again begs the question: “Is you completely lost yo’ MIND?”  If you can’t figure out what to do with a knife, might I suggest you use a baseball bat instead?  Not that you’d have more success, but a lot of stoners would pay to watch the videos.

Now, yours truly was, in his mis-spent and wicked youth, a space cadet.  Many an intriguing story beings “Me and my cousins/brothers/friend/rand strangers/who happened/to/have/dope were gettin’ stoned and we thought it would be a good idea to…”)  Learned many a wondrous thing, like “When you take acid the best thing to watch, Sesame Street because they already go monsters and like, the colors are fantastic!!”  That was from a guy who used pick-up lines like “I want to be a lesbian”, which actually worked.  Then again, he had some WEIRD girlfriends who would respond to “Wow, that stop sign sure is RED!!”

Not the intellectual high pint of my life.

But I learned a few things.

In 8th grade we were shown an anti dope film about The Perfect Drug.  Like, “what if “they” developed a pill that gets you high without side effects?”  Like Soma from “Brave New World” or WellTabs.

If you have the patience to watch the commercial all the way, they offer the first dose Free.  The First shot is ALWAYS free.  Just ask any junkie.  Goes with “Never get high with assholes” and “Never drink anything blue” and “If you stop breathing you probably took too much”.

I also learned that you friendly neighborhood pusher works for the Shadow Government.  The same 1%s who would sell their own mommas if they could find somebody who actually buys skanks.  Big Brother has his nasty little hands in everything.

Anima sana in corpore sano, and the Happy Pill seems to be a vitamin and other nutrient supplement.  Still being pushed like dope.   Message is probably more harmful than the substance.  Bark worse than bite literally.

If proper nutrition would become addictive, cool.  It won’t have an instant effect, and to keep the good mood and energy going you would need meditation, exercise and a more harmonious diet, with a lot less toxins.

Marketing tells us otherwise.  We’ve become so used to seeing instant results, as in “Take this pill and you problem disappears before the end of this commercial” that we thing the In Reality half hour it takes for the pill to have a measurable, palpable effect, means the recommended dose isn’t enough so we add more.  That part was noticed decades ago.  We believe the hype of “Your friendly burger joint clown or Fairy Dope Mother will make you happy.”  even with the certain Knowledge it won’t.

That’s the magic of Pavlovian conditioning.  Black is White if they sell us so.  and they do sell us.  Gold has a certain grip in humanity, with any practicality coming late in our history.  (computer parts, and really nothing more)

The mere sight of it draws us into madness, to hold it in one’s hand makes thieves and murderers of the Best of men  Invites destruction in our midst and the gold should have been left buried, held safely beyond our reach. Mutter Erde should have kept if from us the way a human mother would keep rat poison beyond the reach of her toddlers.

Instead we became “smarter” than she, and learned to find it.

And to sell poison to each other to obtain it.

Disclaimer”  I don’t buy stuff off the T.V. so I don’t know if WellTabs actually works even temporarily, but at least my criticism of the inherent falsehood of commercialism won’t cause uncontrolled anal leakage, and if it does, you might stop that by dispassionate evaluation of you other life choices.

It is impossible to be overly cynical.  Soylent Green is PEOPLE.

Corporate personhood: unintended consequences

  • yes/no: are corporations persons?
    Are Corporations composed of shareholders?
    Do Corporations act on behalf and with the explicit consent of the shareholders?
    Has the corporation, with said consent, used any consideration of value including the intellectual property of the corporate officers or of salaried employees or contractors ever made statements supporting the Death Penalty or joined as paying members any organization supporting the Death Penalty?
    Do they accept without question the definitions of Capital crimes including giving false testimony which results in the death of another human being, killing for money, treason?
    Of the shareholders holding a majority of the stocks bonds or other assets of the corporation, do ANY have stocks in Advertising AND firearms corporations AND Data/Software Corporations which publish movies or video games glorifying violence?
    Do any of the corporate Persons advocate the notion that firearms are necessary for self defense?
    Have any of the corporate persons made statements advocating lenience in the cases of persons condemned to death as accessories to capital murder, such as the “getaway driver”?
    Does the corporation support acts of retaliation against the perpetrators of 9/11?
    Does the Corporation support such acts even against nations which were NOT the perpetrators, such as Iraq, Iran, Palestine, Afghanistan?
    Combine the answers with facts such as Advertising for guns, like SUV ads,
  • are directed to people who feel powerless and victimized,
  • that firearms are used by Americans in either accidental or intentional homicides which are NOT self defense many times more than any adjudicated cases of Self Defense,
  • that the violent movies and video games teach that killing is not only acceptable but fun,
  • and NewsCorp and its subsidiaries such as FOX News and the Republican and Tea Parties are guilty of many more capital murders Every Year than the number of victims of the WTC attacks.
  • Paradigm, Buzzword, Keyword, and persuasion

    Paradigm is a “consciousness” term. One of the best known ways to demonstrate it is visually, not verbally, there’s a really famous illustration of three forms, if looked at one way, the form in the middle would be the first thing you see, a lamp with a fancy shade. Looking at it from the two side forms it’s two human faces close to each other.
    I think but could be wrong, it’s part of the Rorschach series. Much like when we look at clouds, and see faces in them, or animals, flowers, sometimes extremely profound abstract concepts. But whatever we see is a projection of what we were looking to find anyway. Fear or hope, love or hate, friend or foe, food or poison, human faces or lamp. In European Celtic lore the moon has the face of a man, in Japan it’s a rabbit.
    Abstract the paradigm a little, with the faces in the original, are they arguing, speaking words of wisdom, about to kiss?
    Advertising companies need the psychological data from mass sources, years ago it would take, well, years… to form a basic paradigm from data collected around the world. And then modify it as needed. Which would also take considerably longer than it does now, each modification taking between a week or a year.

    Now, with Twitter especially, web logs and Facebook, which could be described in advertising terms as “Weblog Lite”, we (or more importantly “they” whoever “they” are on any particular day) can analyze with a fair amount of accuracy what the people across the world are thinking on any subject, simply by counting the occurrences of any given word or short phrase.

    Key Words. If the keywords show up steadily over the course of a normal work day, 8 hours would be a good arbitrary starting point, they become “Trending” keywords.

    Using those trending keywords in the short term could make huge differences in Capitalist Stock Exchanges because you can literally buy or sell an entire nation’s production within those 8 hours. Knowing what words are most interesting to most people, at least from the representative sample of words used on the internet, can show you which products, services or concepts people are most willing to buy within those 8 hours. From the point of view or “base paradigm” of an independent grocery store owner, who purchases a week or month in advance, the keywords have to trend for whatever his spending cycle is, a week, two weeks, a month..

    People in marketing literally sell their own lives because in order to succeed they have to buy other peoples thoughts and then resell them. They HAVE to live on what other people are saying.

    In 1925, Aldous Huxley wrote a short novel, “Brave New World”, where he didn’t mention things that were on the verge of becoming technical reality, like the Television, Nuclear Explosives, antibiotics, reliable chemical birth control, or advances in what was then a 250 year old invention of a French mathematician named Blaise Pascal, “the Pascaline”, a mechanical calculator using binary logic. Instead he focused on technologies, some of them apparent dead-ends, like eugenics, Pavlovian conditioning (not a dead end) and Marketing.

    Or “Social Engineering” or “Emotional Engineering” and one of his characters actually references Shakespeare as being a “Brilliant emotional engineer”.

    Huxley noted the degradation of language through simplification of keywords.

    Nearly two decades, several revolutions and another world war later, Eric Blair (Orwell) wrote a book mirroring the Capitalist Dystopia of Brave New World… “1984” where, again, deliberate perversion of language in a totalitarian government which used a socialist economy as a control mechanism (Orwell was a Socialist himself) presented another path to totalitarianism.

    It wasn’t the economic models themselves which made the Dystopia, it was the (uncomfortably true) nature of “Type A” personalities to desire dominance over other people and systematically taking it, using the one tool at the core of each such system, persuasion. Getting the other people to “buy into” being controlled.

    So now we have in OfficeSpeak (NewSpeak from 1984) the “buzzword”.

    Why that becomes important to blue collar people such as I used to be until the day I stepped off that roof, is the white collar office workers are all, in one way or another, selling. And using buzzwords, keywords, paradigms, catch-phrases.

    If people ever wonder what an English Major or Creative Writing in college has to do with the “real world”. that’s it.

    Aldous Huxley wrote a sequel to Brave New World, tacked the word “Revisited” on the end, taking into account data processing with word usage as the original data. Still before the internet.
    The Right Wing are so frightened of that concept that they held massive rallies last September because the President of the United States dared to have a televised address to schoolchildren telling them that education is important. And they have attempted steadily to cut off Public Education since its introduction.

    The “leaders” apparently don’t want Blue Collar children to even have the capacity to express or understand anybody else expressing the concept of them gaining social or economic equality with our Masters in the Parasite Class. They’d prefer that the children are indoctrinated by perversions of Religion which teach that the King/President/Policeman/General is always right and that God commands us to Obey our leaders. Thus making it not only treason, a capital offense for which the King can kill you, to dare to think yourself his Equal and not his servant… it becomes Blasphemy, a capital offense where you suffer the pains of Eternal Hell Fire for daring to suggest that we, the Working Class, are equal to the “management” Parasites.

    That and they condemn Brave New World as “pornography”.

    Biggest Advertising Faux Pas

    Just cruised by a TV. Tonight the diet-and-exercise show Biggest Loser… which has promotional sponsors who for one show hawk their wares, apiece, usually a food related sponsor, or Pilates, or something like that. Campbell’s Soup, SubWay, Wendy’s. Tonight… the United States Army.
    OOOPS. So the Army, which is trying desperately to claim the victory, the Win, the everything-but-utter-defeat… is sponsoring “The Biggest Loser”.

    For those who aren’t in the know, the Army really doesn’t promote itself as a place to straighten out your life or get physically fit or emotionally together.
    They figure if you’re not a grown up too bad, if you’re out of shape they’d rather you didn’t apply, unless they’re digging for numbers and cannon fodder. Contrary to their advertising of course. Also they don’t consider themselves to be a College Prep school nor an employment agency, even though they vaguely hint at it in their ads.
    They don’t want to advertise the shocking numbers of Combat Vets who are unemployed and or homeless.
    Speaking of, it’s almost time for the annual Stand Down, which, this year, takes place against a backdrop of Criminalized Homelessness. What a lovely and patriotic gesture the CSPD and Sheriff Maketa’s Gestapo are going to present!
    Oh Well. Oh Hell.

    Filipina teenage actress allegedly has Botox for role

    That’s… taking things a bit far. OK, it’s taking things WAY too far. Teen actress Charice has “anti-aging” treatments including Botox, WHY?
    The encouraging of young girls as young as toddlers to wear makeup, when makeup is designed specifically to make you look YOUNGER, that’s a marketing scam worthy of note, and people have noticed it.
    So the notion of injecting Poison into your skin to look like a Teenaged girl, understandable in somebody who’s much older than teenaged, seems kind of redundant in a child.
    Imaginary Conversation in The Sandbox “yes, dahling, this makeup takes years off my appearance, now instead of looking 18 months I look like a newborn, only, you know, not as tiny. However, the diet regimen my beauty counselor has me on will take care of that part as well”
    “Oh, yes, I can see the results… that one over there, though, she’s 4 and looks 5… perhaps she could use the benefit of your counselor?”
    Our society is SO screwed.

    The whole scenario is like something I saw on Alfred Hitchcock long ago, where a lady is having a home beauty treatment (although from the plot “lady” wouldn’t be the proper word, “bitch” seems more appropriate) and the beautician, who has been abused by her for years, assures her that the treatment will keep her looking young forever.

    Tetra-ethyl lead, the ingredient in Gasoline that nobody uses anymore, toxic, people who can remember back that far or watch a lot of older TV shows remember “Regular or Ethyl?” then it became Regular (with the lead) or Unleaded. Yeah, people used to pump your gasoline for you at service stations.

    Also a preservative once used in mortuaries. Beautician wasn’t lying about that part, by the time she got around to telling the Extra-Abusive client she was already paralyzed from the lead.

    Yeee-Haww! Gun Totin’ Elmer Fudd students to plan next Columbine at CU

    Of course, they don’t want to actually shoot PEOPLE, mind you, just the faceless (to them) threats like Liberals, Blacks, “meskins” Indians, Ay-Rabs, and anybody smarter than themselves. –Dudes, I’ll put this to you bluntly… carrying a Gun is not going to turn you into a Bad-ass. Rambo was a movie. A work of Fiction. John Wayne was an Actor and to the best of anybody’s knowledge never shot anybody. Every single one of his movies, including the “historical dramas” was a work of Fiction. I know, he didn’t star in Rambo, but the same logic applies to Sylvester Stallone. Your fears about whichever of Your Fellow Americans you intend to shoot or try to intimidate into submission with your Big Bad Gun won’t go away, and neither will the people you think will be intimidated by Your Big Bad Gun.

    Add in the FACT that if you fire into a crowd, such as the SU building, your classroom, the drunken frat-rat party you’re attending (and you attempt to impress your fellow Big Little Boys with your gun) the odds are much greater that you’ll kill or maim people who you didn’t want to kill or maim, rather than the Liberals, Blacks, Hispanics, Ay-Rabs, Indians, gays, or Real Bad-asses of whom you are so very afraid.

    Some of you actually got into college on Merit, meaning you know a little bit about Mathematics. Math is very important to such studies as Physics, including the Newtonian Laws governing the study of Ballistics. For those of you who didn’t actually study to get into college, that’s the study of the behavior of projectiles, applies to everything from a slingshot to a Nuclear Armed Intercontinental BALLISTIC Missile, but the most common usage is for firearms. Because firearms are so cheap, easy to purchase, and just any person regardless of (lack of) intelligence can purchase or steal one, it takes ZERO amount of courage, smarts or Toughness in any form to carry one, to load one or to fire one. One element of ballistics is that the rapidly travelling (around the speed of sound for just about any pistol or revolver, and there is a distinction between the two) will be travelling about 100 to 200 feet per second slower after it goes through the person you intended to shoot, assuming that you hit your target. Most shots fired even by trained individuals don’t actually strike their intended targets.
    As hideous as the body count for either of the World Wars was, it’s dwarfed by the number of shots fired.

    So you have a far greater “shot” at killing people you didn’t intend to shoot.

    But the truly Delusional method of getting really Stupid People to stock up on guns is to convince them that the Gun will, in (lack of supporting) fact, make them less cowardly than they actually are.

    So they sell a whole bunch of Guns to emotionally crippled In-DUH-viduals who believe that kind of crap. And, trust me, or don’t trust me, it won’t make any difference to the Truth, somebody who is stupid enough to believe that Gun will make him less of a coward is a danger… to himself, his family, and his Friends first and foremost.

    There are far more murders committed by people using guns than there are instances of people defending themselves with a gun, successfully OR unsuccessfully, and beyond that even more accidental shootings of friends or family than both combined.

    So we move to another “round” of Mathematics, Statistical Analysis. Every month or so somebody “beats the odds” and wins the Lottery. The Lottery beats everybody else millions of times over EVERY time. When it comes to bucking the odds, the House always wins. It’s why people who own casinos die rich, and people who take their chances at the casinos die poor, even if they “beat the odds” a few times.

    Applying the same math to Guns, you’ll lose a lot more than you’ll win. And, with a gun, you lose only once and be de be de be de Th th th that’s all, Folks!

    You won’t have a second chance. Your friend or your mom or your brother or your kid or your neighbors kid or YOU personally will be laying there dead. The myth that you won’t have as high a chance of being a victim of crime is just that, a Myth, the Fact that you’ll make yourself more likely to be a crime or accident victim, well, it’s a FACT.

    To the tune of 21000 that’s twenty one THOUSAND handguns stolen and well over a MILLION shotguns, carbines and rifles. A year.
    even for a Decade, that would FAR more than the number of successful uses of a gun to defend oneself, even counting Police killing a suspect as “defense”.

    If you’re serious about buying a gun, you can get the Quality Stuff for really cheap prices at your local Crack House. Because dope dealers trade stash for guns as quickly as they do for cash. If people who are crazed by crack or meth or smack or what-the-Hell-other drug of choice in which they indulge, can steal that many guns from that many “badass” gun owners, you KNOW that the advertising, and hyperbole, from Gun Advocates about how it will make you safer and less of a coward wimp, must be false. A LIE. So, how do you want to make your decision, based on which set of data? The data which are obviously wrong and compiled to fool you into buying the firearms, or the REAL data?

    The Media, incidentally, provide three or four “successful use of firearms in home defense” stories a week. For those of you who got into college without learning simple arithmetic, that’s fewer than 300 a year. And the American Entertainment and News Media are so close to universally owned by Right Wing Corporate Fanatics that you might as well say “all” (despite the constant whining about “liberal” media bias, which you hear about WHERE, exactly? Oh, yeah, that’s right, In The Media)

    Those “successful home defense” incidents get far more exposure in the “liberal” Media than the gun crimes.

    The odds are in favor of the House, remember. Maybe the people of Earth in general and Colorado in particular will get really damned lucky and the only person the shooter deletes from the Biosphere is himself.

    The Toilet Paper Bears – A Fitting Analogy for once.

    So, leave aside the notion that male bears tend to eat their offspring. It’s a little too graphic for the anthropomorphists
    But one of their new themes is Poppa Bear and Little Bear in a rowboat fishing. Little Bear gets impatient. Then has the bright idea to drop a piece of the Overpriced-and-not-any-better-than-any-other-brand of toilet paper into the water.Which is so absorbent that it dries up the whole lake. All the fish are gasping for water to breathe, flopping around in their death throes. Somehow, in the insane popularity contest that passes for “awww, wook at the cute animals” the fish aren’t given fake smiles, humanized eye placement and faces, and the other pond dwellers who are sometimes anthropomorphized, like the frogs, aren’t represented. BUT… That’s not the truly relevant part.

    It’s part of the relevance though, that’s why I included it. The fact is, though, in our Throw-Away Society, where everything including Human Beings is disposable, paper products are among the worst offenders.

    First they take out the native, healthy, sustained ecosystem forests and put in “better managed” forests where all the trees are planted at the same time, no underbrush to get in the way of the Organized, Efficient Harvesting of them when the Corporate Owners decide it’s their turn to die, and the Corporatists who will no doubt object to this analogy are going to say

    “Why, oh why, can’t we get all “our” workers organized like that, where they’ll perform their jobs efficiently for our profit and then die off in an orderly manner, instead of being, you know, Human?”

    Of course the planting of tree-farms where forests used to be not only allows for the Dehumanized Workers and their more-valuable-to-the-company machines to access the “product” for maintenance and harvest, it also hastens erosion and provides no nutrition for the animals, either the Cute and Fuzzy winners of the Insane Popularity Contest, like the deer and the bears and the rabbits (Did you know there’s actually been a recent extinction event, a species of RABBIT? It’s true… you might think to yourself “Self, how does a species that breeds like, well, Rabbits, go extinct?”) and the squirrels and chipmunks which are “good” animals, and the slugs, beetles, very large species of cockroach, vultures, rattlesnakes, worms, you know, the ones that are much harder to paint as Furry People, aren’t normally eaten directly by people and it takes more than a couple of very quick and short sentences using only one-and-two-syllable words, to describe how they fit into the “food chain” far less the enormously complex and beautifully orchestrated Ecosystem.
    Then at the other end of the process (middle actually, the “profitable” output of it still has to be shipped, marketed and then “disposed of properly” whatever the hell THAT means) the process of shredding the once-living trees into pulp, instead of long fibers (remember, they’re not aiming for quality, they’re aiming for the Corporate Trifecta: Fast, Cheap and Disposable) then glued back together, pressed into paper and rolled out into sheets. All this uses a lot of water and releases a lot of chemicals that would tend to kill, say, FISH, and bears, and Humans, into the water flow. Which has already been altered by the way the Tree Farms and Logging Roads are organized.

    Now, Children, wasn’t THAT a special story? Very “cute and fuzzy” yes?

    The Corporatists probably won’t want you to hear that, not because it would give you nightmares of Bears and Children flopping around like fish with nothing to breathe and drowning in poison water. No, they don’t want you to hear that, kids, because then you wouldn’t be nearly as likely to buy their product.